You know how it is. You’re cooking Thanksgiving dinner and one thing leads to another. Before you know, you have the turkey on your head. Happens to the best of us. Then you flail around the kitchen breaking stuff cuz you can’t see and you have a turkey on your head. Yeah, this Clumsy Cook Turkey Mask simulates the whole experience. Except it has eye holes and a mouth hole, where a real turkey does not.
Category: Creep Wear
Octopus Tentacles Umbrella
This Octopus Tentacles Umbrella will look amazing while it keeps the rain off of you. Like Cthulhu himself, it has tentacles everywhere. Except that his are usually grabbing at a waitress as he calls her toots. You can’t take him anywhere. This is a classy umbrella. Otherwise known as a parasol, if you’re all fancy-like. And you will be fancy, prancing about town, tentacles held high, the water just careening off this thing, giving the impression that you are a protected behind a waterfall. You smile and with your free hand, tease your hair. That’s right. You are woman and everyone can hear that sexy roar.
You have this umbrella to thank. And of course me, who brought it to your attention. I know, I know. No need to thank me. Just doing my job.
Ouija Board Necklace
You know what two hands and a spirit board are? The devil’s playground. Well, technically the devil’s playground is a burning lot with a sliding board full of needles, Hitler’s dog pissing everywhere, a merry go round made of barbed wire and a jungle gym made of human body parts. But I digress. If you’re brave enough to commune with spirits, then you are brave enough to wear this Ouija Board Necklace.
It already has two hands, so that when your boobies bounce around, it will look like those hands are flying around the board. Which I like, to be honest. Before you buy, I could demonstrate with your chest and my own hands. No? You sure? Right. I should probably just leave before the police get here.
Scary Vampire Skull Mask
Damn. This Vampire Skull Mask is what vampires look like under their pale skin and beady little eyes? Dude must have been in bat form when he died. Sucks. Was probably drunk and flew right into a tree. Happens. Fun fact: My vampire name is Bela Lu-Gassy. For obvious reasons. Of course in high school they called me Vlad The Inhaler for completely different reasons. This is the perfect mask to wear to one of the Eyes Wide Shut Illuminati parties. Not that I ever get invited.
I Want to Believe UFO Ugly Christmas Sweater
I know what you’re thinking. I want to believe, but I just haven’t been butt-probed yet. Fair enough. If that’s the case, this I Want to Believe UFO Ugly Christmas Sweater is the perfect sweater for you this holiday season. It tells people where you stand on the whole alien proctology issue.
I hear ya. Isn’t it a little early for Christmas? Maybe. But how do you know I’m not late for last Christmas?