Category: Just Plain Weird

Necronomicon Prayer Candles

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Necronomicon Prayer Candles
It’s the lighting of the dead! These Necronomicon Prayer Candles will have you saying a prayer alright. Dear God in heaven, what ancient evil have I conjured up in my quest for spooky mood lighting?

SmallMagicBindery has many styles to choose from and all will have you on your knees, praying to your God, while crying and trying in vain not to poop yourself as a portal opens up, letting horrible nightmare monsters in. Oops. It happened. You pooped yourself. You can either stop to wipe, or run. I suggest running with your big ol’ mud-butt.
Read more “Necronomicon Prayer Candles”

Cool Vampire Bat Wall Sculptures

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Cool Vampire Bat Wall Sculptures
These Cool Vampire Bat Wall Sculptures are a creepy and cool addition to your home. They’ll drive you batty. Cuz they look like they are about to dive bomb you and get all up in your business.

You can hang them in your home or put them in your garden. Seriously, they look like they are screaming at you as they are attacking. I’ll have to rethink these, cuz I already have a wife. Why do I want two more? What am I some kind of Bat-Mormon? Everybody stop screaming at me! I rue the day I included bats in this marriage! Can’t we all just get along?

Full Gothic Tarot Card Set

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Full Gothic Tarot Card Set
This is one beautiful Full Gothic Tarot Card Set that you can download and print out. Then you can open your own tarot card reading shop and I’ll drop by to be your first customer. Spoiler alert: The fool card is gonna come out and then you and I are gonna argue over which one of us it is.

Well, I don’t know, who’s the more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him? I don’t have time for this foolishness. Oh yeah? Well make time cuz I booked a full reading! You mean you booked a fool reading! Yeah, that’s what I said- Why you-

Why do tarot card reading always end this way for me?

Custom Coffin Doll Carriage / Wet Bar

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Custom Coffin Doll Carriage Wet Bar
This Custom Coffin Doll Carriage / Wet Bar can be used for either thing. It can also be used for a real baby. I’m just guessing here, cuz no woman has bothered to have one with me. I see no reason why you can’t take your little monster out for a stroll in this thing and also have some room for your drinks on board. Imagine the concerned looks from other parents and the concerned calls to child services.

How many times do I have to tell you people that the kid is just sleeping? Great, now you woke him up? Do YOU wanna change his diaper. Maybe then you’ll believe me that he is alive. That ain’t embalming fluid! That’s grade A human baby s**t. Leave my baby and I alone and stop persecuting me for mylove of coffin shaped accessories!

Hand Made Stone Skull Dice

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Hand Made Stone Skull Dice 2
It’s time to roll them bones with these Hand Made Stone Skull Dice. Forget rolling snake eyes. I’m rolling skull eyes from now on. You play with these dice and heads (skulls) are gonna roll. They were sculpted and cast by hand in case you were wondering. They weren’t carved from the skulls of tiny square-headed people.

Legend has it that when you play with these dice and have somebody blow on your dice for luck, you can feel their breath on your own skull. Oh wait, that’s not right. That was just that guy standing way too close behind me. Back up dude! I can smell what you ate for breakfast! Smells like bacon and pancakes and despair. Seriously, back up. Your hot stinky breath made my dice into sad skull faces.