Category: Just Plain Weird

Lifesize Chrome Skeleton

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lifesize chrome skeleton
What’s up chrome bones? You’re looking shiny, but I’m not sure if you’re supposed to be a fancy lady or a dangerous pimp- *SMACK* Well, that answers that question. You got a firm pimp hand and I respect that. No, I swear I haven’t been holding out on you. I wouldn’t do- *SMACK* Damn dude, chill. Okay, okay. *Reaches into my man-bra and pulls out a wad of dollar bills* Have all of it. Geesh! That was supposed to be my pizza money. Anyhow, looks like I’m working for you now. Should I just put on some rouge and fishnets or hit the corner as I am? You’re right, I should probably put on some pants first. Can’t give it away for free after all. Laterz pimp daddy. Your hand and my face will negotiate terms later.

This Lifesize Chrome Skeleton can be dressed up, posed, hung from a second story window, buried, burned, sent down a steep hill in a barrel… You can do whatever you want with it. Just respect his pimp hand and he’ll treat ya right.
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Melted Monsters

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melted monsters
These monsters from Monsterarm are all melted and freaky. But in a good way. They’re cute, crazy and creepy. I especially like the guy on the toilet, who was inspired by the movie “Ghoulies”. I like how he got that drippy effect on all of these monsters, like they’re melting down into a pile of goo. Is it wrong that I want to lick them?

These melted monsters will melt your heart, then eat it all up like a gooey bloody grilled cheese sandwich. Which reminds me. It’s lunch time. Later peeps and creeps. This monster is hungry.
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Victorian Dog Candles

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etsy victorian dog candles
These beeswax candles from Etsy seller Darknessvoid are Dogs in Victorian dress. Do you smell the wax that they’re burning? Lifting their leg on? It’s a dog eat dog world. You might as well have some high class dog candles to like your way.

These are for the sophisticated dog lover. Not for the likes of you and me who let our pooches run around the dog park humping anything and everything. More for those types who carry dogs in handbags and tell the butler to clean up fifi’s poo with the gold plated family pooper scooper.
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Skull Shaving Brush

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

skull shaving brush
Use a skull to shave your skull. You hairy-skulled beast! The Skull Shaving Brush is a scary, yet elegant way to shave that man-beard off. Me? I haven’t shaved for like 2 years. I’m going all biblical on your arses. I went outside the other day to fix the walkway and the kids next door were all like, “Hey Moses. Nice stone tablets. You broke your own 1st commandment: Don’t be a fat loser!”

That’s okay, because the night before I did his mom and I’m pretty sure I left her with a burning bush. Also when she got a little rough and squeezed my man junk, I shouted “Let my people go!”

Yeah, so f**k that kid!
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Herman Hammerhead Dog Poo Bag

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

etsy handmade dog poo bag holder
Herman Hammerhead loves poo. He is a dog doo doo bag who actually looks fairly terrified at what he does for a living. He is the perfect accessory for those long dog walks when fifi has the runs.

Herman Hammerhead honestly hates horrible heated hemmorhoids. Ha. They all start with H. Now I feel like I’ve accomplished something today. Other than 10 complete games of solitaire and continued unemployment. Take that, “The man”! And my fifth grade teacher who said that all I would ever be was a “Professional Jackass”!

It’s like he traveled into the future and read the blog!