Category: Just Plain Weird

Keep It Classy With Black Toilet Paper

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black toliet paperBlack Toilet paper. You gotta keep things classy on the can. Brown on white is so low class. Brown on black? That s**t is classy as f**k! If your establishment doesn’t have black toilet paper and I need to take a massive after my evening meal in your fancy restaurant, I’m just gonna rip the waiters tie off and take it with me.

Nothing but the best for me. Besides, silk is so smooth and soft. Plus you charged me out the ass, so the ass strikes back. I would call a plumber too. I lost like 20 pounds in there. Screw Jenny Craig!

Nicolas Cage As Pokemon – Cage Them All: Starter Pack

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Nicolas Cage As PokemonEtsy seller jbellzamyy is a Pokemon Master. Don’t believe me? Go to the Etsy shop and see for yourself. The seller has caught every Nicolas Cage Pokemon imaginable and now you can collect them all and get seizures from the cartoon or whatever it is you kids do.

There are all kinds of Cage Pokemon available. Gotta Cage them all. Here is a sweet deal on a starter pack. Get some of these and soon you’ll be trading them with your friends and stealing from your mom’s purse to feed your crazy nerd habit.

Sit Your Full Moon On This Werewolf Rug

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werewolf rugAaahoo! Werewolves of London! Don’t wait for a full moon to get a Werewolf rug like this one. I don’t know about you, but I am in no shape to be chasing a Werewolf down anyway. Plus, I’m fresh out of silver bullets. Why do you need a gun to fire a silver bullet at a Werewolf anyway?

Werewolves are all about the hunger. So all you have to do is dangle a chicken carcass in the woods and wait. I would put the silver bullet into the carcass or maybe inside of a bologna sandwich. Werewolves love them some sandwiches. Most hairy beasts do. Myself included. Once he tears into that food, he’s gonna bite the bullet and now you got yourself a new rug.

But does it change into a human rug and then back again during a full moon? Because you don’t want company over with a dead human laid out on the floor. Murder charges can’t be far behind.
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Ghostbusters Terror Dogs

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Ghostbusters Terror DogsI’m going bring this up with the Tenant’s Association. You’re not supposed to have pets in the building.

For $84. you can get two awesome and terrifying Terror Dogs. No, no, not those terror dogs from the ballpark that give you indigestion and little pebble poops later as you groan. You remember terror dogs right? From the first Ghostbusters movie. These guys are scary as Zuul!

I remember when that movie came out. I made my grandmother watch it. Then afterwards I would make ghost noises and ask her, “Who ya gonna call?”

“Ghostbusters!”

That’s when I had the orderlies from the rest home come in. “These Ghostbusters are removing you for your own safety grandma. We’ll bring you back when this place is ghost free.”

Hey, it was better than telling her the hard truth. She was happy for the last years of her life, knowing she was ghost free. So it was all good.

*Ghost noises that sound suspiciously like grandma* What the hell was that? *Whispering in my ear* “Who ya gonna call boy?”

AHHHHHKKKKKKKKKKK. I’M SORRY GRANDMA! PLEASE DON”T HAUNT ME!
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100 Gallons Of Jello Wrestling Jello

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jello wrestlingThere’s always room for Jello…wrestling. For $119. you can get this package which makes 100 Gallons of Jello for Jello wrestling. C’mon ladies, lets make some money! What do you mean it’s too cold outside? I have 100 gallons of Jello just waiting. Plus, I added marshmallows. I have my red cowboy hat on and everything!

Oh well, I guess it’s going to be Jello for dessert every night for the next decade. Help me get this stuff in the fridge. No, you don’t get to take any home! Hey, stop pushing me! Ah, my plan is coming together perfectly.