This informative and educational How To Poo On A Date book will teach you the fine etiquette of pooing while on a date. So it’s about wooing and pooing.

Now toilet etiquett-sperts Mats & Enzo have turned their attention and extensive experience to what is surely one of the most important questions that has played on the mind of mankind for centuries: how to poo on a date. Not an instruction manual as the title might imply, this is a practical guide to confronting every possible problem or eventuality one may encounter when wooing. Inside you’ll learn exactly what to do (through explanatory text and useful diagrams) in a variety of practical, real-life situations, from feeling the call of nature as you walk in the woods with your paramour to what to do if you block her toilet with a monster mud-out.

The first thing that I do on a date is poo. It’s just nice to get it out of the way. Into the open.

*Ding-Dong*

Oh, hello. You look lovely. Do you mind if I just use the- Oh, thanks. I’ll just be a minute.

*2 minutes later*

Dear God! Are your insides made of actual trash? What kind of foul beast are you? *Falls to her knees retching*

Tsk-Tsk. Look’s like you will not be going anywhere tonight Princess. You’ve failed my little test. I need a woman whose nose is immune to my bathroom charms. You are not her. Good day to you.

But- *gag* Help me- *choke/cough*

I said good day!