Everything that you buy and play with today is just going to be dug up in the far future as an ancient artifact, by big-eyed humans with pasty skin. They also have evolved to be a telepathic collective society, but they live in caves because the radiation makes them break out in spores. Yeah, spores. Not hives. Actual mushrooms grow out of their skin. It’s gross. But the telepathy is cool.
Groel, you will never guess what I found.
Uh. I pretty much know already ya dweeb. Our race is connected. Another petrified turd with a tiny man inside I see. Wait. I’m sensing something else. What are you hiding? Open your mind!
Whatevs. That’s right. I farted. Mental high five. Now everybody knows! Turning network olfactory settings ON.
Holy Hell!*ack-cough* We’re dying here.
Etsy seller 
This 
Do you like to collect your cat’s hair and whiskers? Well, aside from the fact that you are likely on some serial killer list somewhere, you have another problem. There’s just no good way to collect your trophies. That jar of hair and whiskers on your shelf just lacks class.
Step on them! Step on them like cockroaches! These wind-up mutant baby toys really creep me out. I haven’t seen anything this freaky since I went on that “vision quest” with that mysterious Shaman. And by vision quest, I mean downing like 20 Mountain Dews and eating like $20 worth of Pixie Sticks. By Shaman, I mean my friend Mark who lives in front of the 7-11 and picks up spent scratch-off tickets with his leashed rat named Hieronymouse.