Category: Just Plain Weird

Coffin Shaped Pet Bed For That Final Cat Nap

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

coffin cat bedThis $45 coffin bed for pets prepares your pet every night for that final deep sleep. If you are pissed off at your pet send them a clear message with this bed.

I guess the upside is that if fluffy doesn’t wake up one day, you can just put a lid on it and start digging. Your cat will be a real Nest-faratu when they lounge in this bed. They might even start sleeping through the day and roaming your house at night. Wait-

Mine already does that. And those aren’t mosquito bites on my neck. I think I need a ball of string and a wood stake.

Click through for more pics of this bed complete with the vampire cats who love it.
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$6,500.00 Fiberglass Python

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

fiberglass snakeSnakes! Why’d it have to be snakes? This 14 foot fiberglass python will scare the bejesus out of anything and anyone in your yard. It basically looks like one long bloody entrail. It weighs about 75-80 lbs. Not that size matters.

This should keep any form of life well away from your yard. Especially those boy scouts that collect canned food and leave that bag on your door so it ends up floating around in your yard, making you look like you are a pig. Yeah, I hate that. This should keep those little patch-earning fetuses away.
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Gay Toys Baseball Helmets

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gay toys baseball hatsI’m going to put a peacock feather on my hat and really show up that pitcher. Gonna hit a line drive right upside his head and then I’m going to steal second base like he stole my heart last season. The name on the uniform is Prancer for a reason! It rhymes with dancer! What’s that Mr. Umpire? Do I like to play Reindeer games? Do I ever? You cheeky thing.

Hey Mr Pitcher man! Over here! We just met and already I got to second base. Hey look over here while I’m finger-waving at you and twirling my feather boa. Oh enough with the making dough eyes you silly goose. God, I love this game!

Zombie Light Switch Cover

Artemis Winterford2 Comments

zombie light switch coverThis Zombie light switch cover will serve as a good reminder to always keep the lights on. Supernatural stuff usually kills people at night. You know what else kills at night? Stepping on LEGO pieces with bare feet, cursing at the top of one’s lungs and then tripping over the actual LEGO creation that you built as you fall backwards on your butt.

True story.

Pro tip: There’s no good way to explain to the doctor how a Harry Potter mini figure ended up lodged inside your chamber of secrets. Always keep the lights on people.

Look Sharp With A Porcupine Quill Mirror

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

porcupine mirrorOuch! Damn! Oh HOLY HELL! The blood is everywhere. Make the spurting stop. Dear God please! *passes out*

An hour later:

Ambulance guy 1: Passed out from blood loss.

Ambulance guy 2: How the hell did he think he was going to hang that on the wall safely?

Ambulance Guy 1: Is this guy’s name Caesar?

Ambulance guy 2: Huh? Oh, because he got stabbed so many times. Heh. Good one. Well, he ain’t hanging that thing up with his bloody nubs. Let’s get him out of here.

Me: Et tu, Etsy? *passes out again*