Tag: accessory

Slithering Snake Cling Ring

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Slithering Snake Cling Ring
Snakes. Why’d it have to be snakes? They make me hiss-terical! This Slithering Snake Cling Ring is all needy and clingy like a girlfriend. I kid. I’m the clingy one in a relationship. Holding onto a woman’s leg while she drags me and tries to get away is just an evolutionary trait that I have developed to not be so lonely.

This terrifying snake will realistically coil around your index finger in the same way, while chomping on your ring finger. Cuz it’s jealous and doesn’t want you wearing any other rings. So don’t! Respect the snake!

Dinosaur Ties

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Dinosaur Ties
These Dinosaur Ties are for the sharp dressed man that leaves the office early to go play with plastic dinosaurs. That’s actually how I lost my first job. Which was fine because it led to my second job as an office therapist sorting out stuff like sexual harassment accusations and the like. I got to play with my toys all day.

“Now show me on the dinosaur where the bad man touched you. There? Okay. Do the roar. We roar to heal. Now our dinosaurs fight.” That job didn’t last long either.
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Leather Zombie Backpack

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Leather Zombie Backpack
If you plan to go wandering the wasteland of the zombie apocalypse, you are going to want a backpack that says, “This is what happened to the last zombie bastich that messed with me. Come at me undead bro! Bring it!”

This zombie backpack has your back and he’s conveniently faced away so he won’t bite you. That doesn’t mean you can tease him and put stuff near his mouth and watch him snap though. Don’t be cruel! You can store all of your apocalypse accessories inside of him. Pretty sweet.
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Cthulhu Neckties

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Cthulhu Neckties
Before the days of Etsy if you wanted a Cthulhu Necktie you had to go out and buy an octopus and let it live on the back of your neck, tentacles going down your chest. Eventually it would merge with you and share your mind-space. If you kept it moist enough it would even shake hands with your business associates for you.

Well, those days are gone. But that disgusting slimy feeling on the back of your neck lasts forever. Now you can just buy a tie with Cthulhu on it. We are living in an amazing age.

Monster Mask With Teeth

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Monster Jaws With Teeth Mask
This monster mask is all teeth. Teeth going every which way but loose. That was a great movie. Right turn Clyde. *Swings arm out. BAM.* Oh damn. Sorry Grandma. But you know better than to sneak up on me when I’m writing a blog post. You needed a nap anyway. I apologize to whatever channel that is on the TV. You just lost your last Matlock viewer.
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