Gonna buy this Zipper Choker Necklace for my wife. She’ll get all choked up about it. Or maybe choke me. You never can tell. Everytime she wears it I’m gonna be all like, “XYZ. Examine your zipper.” I might even call her zippy. Depends if she’s in a punching mood or not.
Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah
Zip-A-Dee-A
My oh my, what a wonderful day.
If you like your makeup bag clawed and slashed, check out this one. It’s already been pre-slashed by a beast and it wasn’t me. I only leave claw marks on locked cupboards and the crack of my jeans. Some ointment fixed the latter, but I’m still trying to get to the Doritos that the wife locked up.
Anyway, this bag makes it look like you survived an attack from a monster and it even looks like it might be bleeding. Better put some peroxide on that and a band-aid. I hope it doesn’t need any…*Coy smile* cosmetic surgery.
See, because it’s a cosmetics bag. Oh whatever!
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Get off my lawn you hoodlum! NOW I know what that crazy old guy was talking about? He was afraid I would wrap my head in it’s own sleeping bag and nap on his lawn. The jokes on him. After I left, I doubled back and slept on his porch while he was watching Matlock. No reason really. It was tiring eating that Big Mac and large fries.
Why did you walk to McDonalds?
I didn’t. Dude’s house was a rest stop between me and the car. I get winded after like 30 feet. I’m bringing this thing with me next time so my face stays all toasty.
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Need a cool hat that has style? Don’t get your panties in a bunch, but do get your tentacles in a bunch with the Octo-Hat. It will give you gorgeous long tentacle locks that you will want to curl and tease. The tentacles double a scarf. I wonder if the tentacles have suckers, cuz I don’t want no octo-hickeys on my neck. Am I the only one who finds the eyes on this thing super grumpy?
Don’t be an Octo-puss. Get an Octo-Hat.
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Nice doggy. Who’s the nice doggy? GOT DAMN! HE TOOK MY ARM OFF. *Points with the index finger I have left* You are not a nice dog!
This Werewolf Dog Muzzle will make your dog look like a Werewolf. Hence the name. Fluffy or Fido will look like they are transforming during a full moon and ready to rip some flesh from your neck.
Put a muzzle on that dog.
Okay I did. Happy?
No, please. Take it off. That thing is terrifying. Why would you put that on a wiener dog? That’s just wrong.
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