Tag: aliens

Awesome Flying Saucer With Alien Figures

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Awesome Flying Saucer With Alien Figures
This Flying Saucer With Alien Figures reminds me of the time I ran into some aliens. Last week.

Take us to your leader Earthling.

No, you take me to your leader!

But we are guests on your planet.

Leader. Now. I don’t deal with minions.

Our leader is not here. We left him at home. We come bearing gifts, like the cure for cancer, the answer to world peace and the secret for a neverending gobstopper. Fine.

*Grabs a stick and uses it as a cane while I lead them to my house.* Yoda. You seek Yoga.

They soon found out that I wasn’t Yoda, leader of Earth. But it was too late. They are locked in my garage giving me all of their technology and training to be Jedi. I better take a bath because I’m about to be filthy rich.

3D Alien Chest Burster Poster

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

alien 3d poster
In space no one can hear you scream. That’s true of the internet too, because you didn’t hear me scream like a girl a minute ago when I spotted a spider. Outside. On the other side of a closed window. Terrifying. But I’m better now.

This 3D Alien Chest Burster Poster really makes a statement. I’m gonna hang it in a hallway about so high, so that every time I pass it, I can shake it like a hand or high five it. He’ll be my little bloody buddy. What was that guy’s name who had this thing burst out of his chest? I have no idea, but his name should have been Ripley. RIPPPP. Here I am, all bloody with my neck sticking out of your chest. What’s up guys? Got any snacks?
Read more “3D Alien Chest Burster Poster”

Extraterrestrial Jewelry: Crop Circle Pendant

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

crop circle jewelry
Not content with ruining our fields with their crop circle shenanigans, despite several farmers yelling for them to get off their land, the extraterrestrials have now taken to making crop circle jewelry. Apparently by focusing a bunch of new age energy and channeling it through this Etsy seller.

The Crop Circle Pendant Has Arrived on your Planet Today through Skydin Zeal’s Constant Communication with the Enlightened Portion of the Universe’s Celestial Guides!

Oh cool. Thank’s for the delivery and the colorful new age pamphlet that smells like incense.
Read more “Extraterrestrial Jewelry: Crop Circle Pendant”

H.R. Giger Alien Heels: In Space No One Can Hear Your Calves Scream

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

alien shoesThese Alien inspired heels are super scary. I keep waiting for a second mouth to come out of the toe area and drool everywhere. Would I date a woman wearing these shoes? Hell to the no! No way am I letting her spend the night so that her shoes can go on a killing spree in my spaceship. And no way am I going to her place to find out what other shoes she has in her closet of horrors.

These shoes are so scary you need a Giger counter to measure the fear. Ha. See what I did there. I am so awesome. High five. How about a hug instead? Ahhh. Tricked you, I’m a face hugger!
Read more “H.R. Giger Alien Heels: In Space No One Can Hear Your Calves Scream”

Alien Carjackers Sculpture

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

carjackingI’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You can’t trust an alien. They will steal your car and go for a joy ride. Like the honey badger, they just don’t care. This sculpture shows them stealing a 1929 Ford Model A in the middle of the New Mexico desert as they make their escape from military personnel.

I hear ya. “But they were just escaping”.

Oh, so they don’t like getting poked and prodded huh? Neither do human rectums! I hope they blasted that car out of existence. Bitter? Yeah I’m bitter. And butt-hurt too. Take my advice. Never let them lure you into a UFO by dangling a Snickers on a stick. I really wanted to believe that levitating candy would be magical and sparkly. It was going to grant me the power of flight. *tears* Boy was I wrong.

Oh look. A Kit-Kat attached to fishing line. Gotta go. I’m off to chase the dream. That better not be you Bigfoot.
Read more “Alien Carjackers Sculpture”