Tag: chair

Giant Red King Crab Chair

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Giant Red King Crab Chair
I think I got crabs from your chair?

Are you sure? *Looks at my Giant Red King Crab Chair.* Nah. I keep a clean place.

I haven’t been with any other chairs for weeks.

Hmmm. Sorry baby, you’re barking up the wrong crustacean. Now c’mere and let me pinch ya.

This chair is perfect for me, cuz I feel crabby everyday. I’m also the king of my castle. The crab king. Not sayin’ I have crabs. I’m just the king of said crabs. Seriously, I have a scepter, a crown and everything. I also have a bunch of crab medicine. But that’s just in case. You never know when they might overthrow me.
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Bone Decor – Skull Chair

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Bone Decor - Skull Chair
This Skull Chair just wants to sit in your living room and look cool. It’s a piece of furniture that goes against the grain. The Mi-Graine! Just sit right back and consider yourself it’s brains. Cuz it has none. And when you bring this thing home, be careful not to bang it against the wall, otherwise this guy will be a numb-skull. Heh! I really do love a good skull joke. So does God apparently, judging by my weird head.

This chair is way too much work anyway. Every time you move it, it scraps against the floor and leaves marks, like it is eating your hardwood floors with it’s dead upper teeth. Have you been sharpening your teeth on the floor again? Bad skull. Bad skull. I would rub your face in it, but you are nothing but face, so that seems wrong somehow.

via Fubiz

Creepy Chairs For Your Haunted Mansion

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creepy chairs
ComaToastCoffinCo makes these cool creepy chairs. They are perfect for haunted houses or just for sitting in this Halloween and looking all freaky. Wait. ComaToastCoffinCo? Cool name. ComaToast. It’s when you want toast real bad, so you make some, but you are so tired you fall asleep and don’t eat it. You also get butter all over your shirt. And…Other…Odd places. Trust me on this one.

These chairs are all rib cages, skulls and spiderwebs, which sounds like a supermodel at the end of her career. I might dress up as the Grim Reaper this Halloween and sit in one of these like a throne as I give out candy. More like, sit on this chair and get beat up by the bigger kids and have my candy taken away. Oh Halloween. No matter how old I get, nothing ever changes.
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Giant Hamburger Stool: Not What It Sounds Like

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giant hamburger stool
This Giant Hamburger Stool is not what it sounds like. I’m talking an actual stool you sit on, not a stool of the sample variety. Why do doctor’s need that anyway?

“Your fecal matter tested high in hamburger and very little else. Good God man, do you live in McDonalds? That is the hardest log I have ever seen. No wonder it took you 2 weeks to get back to us.” Well, I do frequent the establishment of the red-headed clown. *Doc writes a prescription* “Take this to the nearest pharmacy, called a ‘grocery store’ and have the pharmacist, I mean clerk help you out. It’s called salad. Eat it.”

I was going to. But then I realized that they already put a leaf of this stuff on my hamburgers, so I’m good.

via Uniquehunters

Squirrel Chair: A Chair For Squirrels

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squirrel lawn chair
At first I was like, “Make yourself at home Mr. Squirrel, pull up a Squirrel Chair and stay awhile.” Then later I was like “WTF, I spend half my time cleaning up squirrel s**t.” I thought I was the only mammal who sat in a chair all day eating and s**tting. What’s the word for that again? Oh yeah, a blogger.

So anyway I got tired of cleaning up Squirrel crap and tore the chair off the tree. I threw it in the trash along with some Hot Wheels cars and some computer parts. Two weeks later I hear a computer modulated Squirrel voice and look outside to see “Squirrel Hawking” rolling along in his robotic wheelchair, nibbling on some nuts and trying to work out some equations that prove black holes are nature’s unbleached anus. Last I heard he was teaching at Harvard. Working for peanuts. Obviously. He’s not stupid. Money is useless to a squirrel.