Tag: death

Dead Man Walking: Body Bag Costume

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

body bag costumeSweet Jesus! This Body Bag costume is going to score me a ton of friggin candy this year. Ding-dong. Door opens. Old lady with blue hair greets me with a smile. “Hello little ones. What do we have here? Let me get my glasses-” Shriveled hand clutches heart area of knit Halloween sweater. Old bones jump. Candy flies up. I position bag underneath that sweet candy rain. Then run.

Effin Necco wafers? Really? Maybe the next house will be better. I’m really behind this year after getting stuck in that morgue for 3 hours. Bonus: That half autopsy they did really adds to the authenticity.

Disney Princess Massacre Mini Top-Hat

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

disney princess hatShow everyone how you really feel about Disney Princesses. If you want to see them massacred and smashed, this is the hat for you. It makes a fashion statement and tells everyone how you feel. I know I’m sick of all these animated and emaciated Princesses singing silly songs at me.

Four Disney Princess’ lay dead:
Cinderella sits upright, impaled with her glass slipper.
Snow Whites’ jaw, ripped right off.
Aurora has been zombified. Her eye ball hangs out while she holds the heart of her Prince.
Ariel, caught by fishermen, the flesh of her tail torn off and eaten, leaving nothing but bone.

This hat makes me happy. (Mostly because I met a chick named Jasmine. She didn’t rub my lamp.) More images below.
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It’s Your Funeral: 50-Piece Mini Graveyard Kit In Custom Wooden Coffin

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graveyard kitSo, you are playing with your LEGO minifigs and LEGO Batman and Robin are fighting LEGO Joker. Suddenly LEGO Joker kills the Boy Wonder. Eventually Batman ends the fight and hauls the Joker off to Arkham Asylum. Sadly, it is time for a visit to the graveyard, so you can have a funeral and bury your sidekick. Alas, LEGO doesn’t make a kit for that.

Fortunately, Etsy seller jpants4sale does and you can get it for just $170. The set comes in it’s own wooden coffin too.
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Well This Is Depressing: Your Plane is On Fire and Your Children Are Gone

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

plane on fire artI really don’t like other humans. I do my best to avoid them and I certainly don’t want other humans visiting me in my own home, expecting me to serve them Iced Tea and offer them snacks. I’m pretty anti-social. How to keep them away though… I think I will buy this $5,750.00 oil painting titled “Your Plane is On Fire and Your Children Are Gone“.

Yeah. This should keep my home pest guest free. I’ve only just seen it and I’m already depressed. I wouldn’t want to visit me and see this on the wall.

That dude in the back looks like a young Doc Emmett Brown hitting 88mph. More like 8888mph. The old lady next to him has dropped her pills. No more bingo for her. Little cherub angels are flying around everywhere amid the screams and panic thickened air, darting to and fro, trying to snatch souls. It looks like a couple of them are in a wrestling match. It’s all a freakin’ game to these cherubs. That couple in front, they’ll just sleep through it, even though one of them has clearly brought a dog along. I think the little girl did it. With mind powers!

Man, I am all kinds of depressed now. Mostly because Marty McFly will never meet Doc Brown thanks to this painting. And if that happens, no Back To The Future movies. Great Scott! We have to go back to the past to change this!
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