Clown Skull – Bozo’s Bones

Clown Skull - Bozos BonesHave you ever wanted to see what a clown skull looks like? No need to drag a circus clown in front of an X-Ray machine… Well, maybe there is, since that’s always fun. Anyway, check out this cool clown cranium. I always thought that nose was a foam attachment. I guess you are either born a clown or you’re just clowning around.

Fun fact: I was the class clown in school. We all were. It was clown college. I dropped out to pursue a mime career. I was known as “Silent But Deadly- the farting mime”. Hard to make money though, when no one wants to come close enough to drop money in your hat.

Severed Finger Candles

Severed Finger Candles
These Severed Finger Candles will be perfect for any birthday cake that you want to give the finger to. Give it several fingers cuz you don’t give a f**k. I stared at this image of candles for like an hour already cuz someone flipped me off today behind a fence and I was trying to pick it out of a lineup. There! I finger that one.

If you will excuse me, I have to go now. I have a date with some finger food just as soon as I buy it with my five finger discount. Hopefully they won’t finger me in a police lineup. That sounded dirty. I apologize. Police only do that in dirty movies. Anyway, I give these candles 2 middle fingers up. It’s the highest honor I can bestow on them.

Alien Head Metal Wall Art

Alien Head Metal Wall Art
Stare into this Alien Head Metal Wall Art and the alien will stare into your soul. Seems pretty cool right? It is. Until you realize that it’s a portal to an alien UFO. *Cue Twilight Zone music.* A doorway, through time and space, to a… butt probing zone.

This is how they get you. You buy weird stuff that they planted as bait. You take it home. And they have their next rectum, I mean victim. You just bought yourself a doorway to an intergalactic proctology office. Have fun with that. This is why I don’t decorate with aliens, unless they come in the middle of the night and my shotgun decorates the wall with their glowing blood.

Human Fetal Skeleton In Glass Womb

Human Fetal Skeleton In Glass Womb
Hey little Human Fetal Skeleton In Glass Womb! Why so sad? Turn that frown upside down. You have a womb with a view. What more could you want? Yeah I guess it’s a little cramped in there. You probably want to be born already and leave that glass womb behind. Hang in there buddy. You know what they say, if at first you don’t succeed, try trimester again. Heh. Just a little fetal humor to lighten the mood.

You look like you’re deep in thought. Kinda creepin’ me out if I’m honest. Anyway, try not to have such a de-fetal attitude. Get it? Am I annoying you fetus? That thing really sparkles. Do you use Windex? You sure I’m not annoying you? I’m just gonna pull up a chair and hang. So anyway, I never told you about that time…
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Raptor Skeleton Garden Sculpture

Raptor Skeleton Garden Sculpture
Sweet! There’s a raptor in my garden! I put in a rib-bone as a seed like 2 months ago and it’s finally growing! Yippee! I can’t wait to take him on long walks and wait for him to go pee-pee on fire-hydrants and scoop up his dino poop. I’m gonna call him Craptor, cuz he craps so much. Wait a minute! Craptor’s not moving! What’s wrong boy? OH NO! CRAPTOR NO!

*Tears* He was so young. Fresh out of the dirt. *Sniff* Oh well. I guess he can just be buried where he’s at. Jk everybody. It’s just an awesome Raptor Skeleton Garden Sculpture. Craptor was never alive. Except in our hearts. He will always be in our hearts.