Nosferatu Creepin’ Up Your Stairs…Coming To Get You

Nosferatu Creepin' Up Your Stairs
Oh hell no. Stay away from me Nosferatu. I see your shadow. Because I keep all of the lights on in case you boogeymen come to get me. All full of boogers and probably blowing your nose in some old handkerchief. I’m not scared of you. I’m just exiting the house and standing in the snow because I’m hot. That’s all. Do what you want in there. You own the place now. I’m a lover, not a fighter. I’ll sign the deed over first thing in the morning.

This is actually how I lost my first house, by giving it away to a Nosferatu vinyl decal I forgot was there. I hope he’s happy on his one wall, with no one to scream like a sissy every time I would turn the corner.

So basically what you have here is Nosferatu on vinyl. Great album. Had classics like, The Transylvania Twerk, It’s Raining Blood(Hallelujah), The Nosferatu Shuffle, You Are The Wind Beneath My Bat-Wings and my personal favorite, Your Neck, My Mouth.

Monster Travel Pillow

Monster Travel Pillows
This is a fun Monster Travel Pillow. It is cute and cartoony and fun. It even has nice “meat” definition on that arm. But I think the seller might be a serial killer. What’s up with that blood all over your mannequin’s face? Damn. Didn’t you ever see Dexter? That’s why you prep the room with clear plastic sheets. Otherwise, the next thing you know you have a bloody mannequin head on Etsy.

Anyway, I might buy this travel pillow just to have an arm around my neck while I’m watching movies. I’ll let it have the remote and see what’s on because of it’s huge hand. I also might occasionally slap myself with that huge hand just because. Is it weird that I want to pick on those scabs as if they were my own? I’m weird like that.

Creepy Clown Mug

Creepy Clown Mug
This Creepy Clown Mug is not going to help with my Coulrophobia. That’s fear of clowns. I didn’t know what it was either until my doctor diagnosed it and prescribed me a bucket full of Quaaludes and anti-clown meds. At the pharmacy, they handed me a KFC sized bucket that looked like a race car cuz it was sponsored by so many drug companies.

Actually I fear anything in makeup. I’ve been known to freak out in stores when I accidentally wander into the makeup department. This clown is creepy as all hell. He looks like he has real teeth and I want to punch them. I’m not afraid of you. Do you hear me? You’re just a mug! Besides, you’re not the boss of me. I can be brave! No don’t set it on the table! *Runs out the door screaming.*
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Praying Zombie Hands

Praying Zombie Hands
Praying Zombie Hands! Dear God, thank you for this bounty of brains on my plate. Thank you for making me a rotting undead corpse who shuffles more than walks. Thank you for making all living humans fear me, even though I get my brains from the local research laboratory. Thank you for those people who shot at my head today and missed.

Could you please moisturize me a little though? My skin is really peeling off lately. Not that I question your wisdom. And please keep me safe guys with shotguns. I can only move so fast, cuz I’m friggin’ undead here. Also, yesterday my pee-pee dried up and fell off. Anyway I could grow another?

Amen.

The X-Files Saint Scully and Saint Mulder Prayer Candle Set

The X-Files Saint Scully and Saint Mulder Prayer Candle Set
These X-Files Saint Scully and Saint Mulder Prayer Candles will help to insure that your prayers reach them and aren’t intercepted by grey aliens. You know how it is when you pray to Saint Scully and Saint Mulder. Mulder wants to believe so he’ll listen to anything, but Sculley is a skeptic so she’s the one you really have to convince.

Tell them all of your darkest secrets and throw your prayers their way. I’m gonna ask for a ride on a UFO and a sweet conspiracy adventure where I can’t trust anyone. I’m already with the feds. No really. I’m a F-emale B-ody I-nspector.