Merry Cthulhu everyone! Celebrate Cthulhu-mas with this awesome Cthulhu fiber optic Christmas tree topper. Look at him waving from atop the tree. He’s ready to spread the Christmas fear. This is gonna look great on my tree. I’m thinking of replacing the tree branches with tentacles too. Maybe trim the whole thing with some seaweed.
This thing stands 13.5″ tall and changes colors.
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At least the Coffin PopTart ornament is honest. Those things will kill ya. I should know too, cuz I’ve had enough of them thrown at my head. I like to anger my wife at breakfast. Santa is a jolly old fella. Meaning he’s fat. So hang this on your tree and you are gonna get some good presents. It better not be polka dot socks like last year.
I’m getting this, cuz coffin Poptarts beats coughin’ poptarts. Hey, I eat real fast. These things are delicious.
Attack of the Beaded Spiders. They’re crawling in your house, crawling in your Christmas tree. Holy sh** they’re crawling all over me. Seriously though, these spiders are going to look good all over your tree. They will probably even creep you out and make you all itchy. I’m scratching all over. But that might be the bag of Oreos and 3 Red Bulls talking. What was that? Who’s there?
I also want to take this moment to remind you all that there are spiders in your home right this very second. Just creeping on their 8 legs. Unseen. Unheard. Always at the edge of your sight. Feeding on tiny insects. Touching you when you don’t know it. Walking on your arm. Careful not to disturb your hair. Biting you, though you are unaware. Living in secret. Perhaps crawling in your ear. Or in your mouth.
Well, goodnight everybody. Have a fit and restful sleep. *yawns*
This Crystal Head Vodka Skull Wall Sconce is fun and crazy. Every time you turn on the light, it’s like *ding*, an idea goes off in his head, but it must be the same idea over and over again cuz he only does one thing. Light up your room. So this is what a sconce is. I always wondered. I thought it was a term for people who come from Wisconsin. I’ve been calling then sconces forever. Oh well. You live you learn. Or in my case, you live and you just blunder your way through life, thanking God for your stupid Forest Gump type luck.
It’s made from a Crystal Head Vodka bottle. Pretty cool. I still can’t believe sconces aren’t from Wisconsin.
Damn. My Spine And Skull Lamp isn’t working. I think I slipped a disc. Better call the chiropractor to come over and repair this thing. Funny story: I slipped a disc once, because I slipped on a disc. One of those old AOL discs that the postman filled my house with in the 90’s. Here’s a good one. Ready? How do Chiropractors do their hair? In-verte-braids! They like to play jump rope and play with dolls too. It’s weird.
I dated a chiropractor once. She was a real head turner. Don’t worry, she soon set me straight! Chiropractors are not all they are cracked up to be. It’s spine. Really it is.