Tag: decor

Bones The English Butler

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bones english butler
Bones The English Butler apparently doesn’t know how to wear pants that fit. Or shoes. But he’s a good servant. He puts up with a lot.

“Bones, come here. I need you!”

“How may I be of help sir?”

“You can start by wearing a proper shirt that will cover your ribs. There’s a good man. And for good sake’s chap, must your free hand always be in the position of catching a high five from behind, while it is down low because I’m too slow? Straighten up and get me a brandy so I can stand the sight of you. And get that murder out of your eye sockets.”

“Death sir…”

“What was that?”

“Yes sir!”

“Quite. Quite.”

Zombie Hand Guitar Hanger And Wall Hook

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zombie hands

Looking for a place to hang your guitar? This Zombie Hand Guitar Hanger And Wall Hook will do. You know, I’m sick of everyone perpetuating the war with zombies. I’m a peacemaker. I’m also a hell of a pizza maker, but that’s another story. Anyway, I would use this Zombie Hand to practice my diplomatic skills. And you can too.

First hang it low on the wall.
Next approach it slowly.
Then gently take the hand and shake it. Say “How do you do? My name is so and so. No, not sew and sew, that’s my grandmother.” Talk about how your peoples have been at war long enough and that it is time for a new golden age of friendship. Talk about Hope. Change. Say, Yes We can.

Then just do a 180 and cut the zombie’s damn fingers off if he doesn’t cooperate cuz that’s how politics works and they are all lying bastards. No wonder zombies hate you.

Mannequin Head Wearing Man-Antlers

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manequin wearing taxidermy antlers
Check out this awesome set of man antlers that you can wear. Actually it’s a Mannequin Head Wearing Man-Antlers that you can decorate with.

I would pop these babies off that head and glue them to my own dome. Then I would stamp my feet and scratch at the floor with one foot while I snort. After that, it’s me against the wall. Then after that it’s me glued to a pair of man-antlers that are stuck in the wall. On the plus side, the apartment next door has a new coat rack.

Nuke Lamp Glows In The Dark, Naturally

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nuke lampThis Nuke Lamp in the shape of a mushroom cloud will lend an irradiated glow to your home. Usually only the cockroaches would survive a blast like this, but both you and those nasty creatures will be safe.

This amazing 3D printed lamp really splits my atoms. It’s rad! Get it? I love it a mega-ton! I hope I don’t get any fallout because of these lame jokes. I wish I had been alive in the 60s and had this lamp. I would have tricked all of my dates using the old “under the desk, duck and cover” routine. Nah, I’ll be fine sitting at the desk. Only enough room down there for one. You get under so you’re safe. Heh heh. While you’re down there…

*Hey that’s rude!*

What? I was gonna say to check if the carpet needs vacuuming.

*That’s sexist*

Well, I just meant.

*You shut up mister!*

When did the voice in my head get so mean and bossy?

Oktoberfest Skeleton Gnomes

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Oktoberfest Skeleton Gnomes
Make everyday Oktoberfest with these Oktoberfest Skeleton Gnomes in your garden. No one knows how to party like Oktoberfest Skeleton Gnomes. This pair may look cool and decomposed, but they turn it up to 11.

They raise their frothy mugs year round and look like they are about to fling some choice curse words at your neighbors. With these guys the party may be dead, but it goes on forever.