Tag: decor

Brain Bowls: It’s All Brain Food Now

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brain bowls
Brains! Brains! The magical bowls.
Zombies eat ’em to get their lols.

Buy some today, be a good consumer,
Send yours back if it has a tumor.

Drop ’em and watch them shatter,
Lining your kitchen with Fruity Pebbles and grey matter.

These brain bowls are awesome, but they’re going to attract all of the neighborhood zombies for sure. No! Bad Zombie. You can have the Lucky Charms I poured you, but don’t eat the bowl. No. No! Don’t make me get the spray bottle.
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Fill ‘Em Full Of Lead With The Zombie Pencil/Pen Holder

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

zombie pen holder
Man this feels so good! I killed my first zombie. Take that you undead puke! Just filled him full of lead! *You shot him?* Well, I stabbed him with my pencil. *You’re an idiot!*

Yeah, well you don’t have a zombie corpse on your desk. I’m a stone cold killer! I am the man! I am slightly afraid to remove the pencil though. Can you do it? He might bite my finger. *Why, is his name Charlie?* Haha, you’re funny! Thank you Mister voice in my head. Thank you for teaching me how to love and laugh again!

Four-Eyed Hairy Monster Picture Frame

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monster picture frame
Put a picture of your loved one in this Four-Eyed Hairy Monster Picture Frame and all four of it’s eyes will stare at the picture, making it a super creepy and awkward gift, since it will look like this thing is ready to devour them.

It’s like some hippy Tribble LSD experiment with four eyes and no mouth. Hey, Starfleet has it’s dark secrets just like our government. Theirs just tend to be more high tech and freakish. I bet this is their work. Probably ended with Ferengi genitals being attacked by this thing while some Redshirts try to pry it off.
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Wine-O-Saur Wooden Dinosaur Wine Racks

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dinosaur wine holder
These Wine-O-Saur Wooden Dinosaur Wine Racks turn your wine bottles into decorative dinosaurs. Wino meet wine-o-saur. Drink up and let the good times roll until your sobriety is good and extinct. I’m more of a Whine-O-Saur. Maybe a Dine-O-Saur.

Hands off that Wine-O-Saur. That wine is… Mine-O-Saur. Gonna drink it with a Min-O-Taur. Until three-0-four. A.M. Then I’m gonna sleep all day because I’ve earned it.
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Frankenstein Flowerpots

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frankenstein flower pot
It’s alive! It’s alive with flowers! This Frankenstein Flowerpot is pretty much what it would look like if the villagers with torches and pitchforks buried Franky in the ground up to his neck. Naturally they hollowed out his skull and used it as a flowerpot, because that’s what you do when a freakish monster shows up in your village.

Or you can do like my wife did. Take one for the village and marry the monster. Feed it tasteless gruel. And when it asks for sex, ignore it and sneer. Soon it will lose the will to live. *sighs* Such is marriage. I-Am-Not-A-Monster!