Tag: decor

Awesome Garden Gnomes Look Like Your Favorite Geek Characters

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creepy garden gnomes
Etsy seller ianthegnome makes all kinds of crazy garden gnomes that look like superheroes, wrestlers, video game characters. You name it. Okay, I will. I name it awesome. Check out a bunch below and then go crazy ordering them for your yard. I call dibs on Superman and Batman cuz I’m creating my own gnome Justice League.

You can have Dexter and his cellophane wrapped victim. Gizmo too. No way I’m putting a Mogwai in my garden. You know he’s gonna get wet and multiply into a s**t ton of evil Gremlins that are going to break everything, eat everything and cause nothing but trouble. In other words, another me. One of me is plenty. I refuse to share my junk food and there’s not much left in my house that I haven’t broken already.
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Giant Zipper Bottle Opener

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zipper bottle opener
This Giant Zipper Bottle Opener is huge. Can you imagine the size of the tally whacker behind that pull tab? XYZBO. Examine Your Zipper Bottle Opener! Because it’s down. Near the bottom of your fridge and not pulled up top. We’ve all been there. You’re at a party. You don’t have a bottle opener. So you open your zipper and pop that top on it’s teeth, careful not to damage the family jewels. But what if you’re rocking a button fly?

First off, screw you! Button flies are for losers and slow pee-ers. By the time you get out of the gate, I’m gonna be giving it a shake and then washing my hands. Maybe dribbling onto your shoe if you’re in the urinal next to me. Too bad, you shouldn’t have peeked! Anyway, this Giant Zipper Bottle Opener is the classy way to open bottles. And you won’t risk damage to your wee-wee. You’re welcome.
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Mummified Baby Bird Feeder

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mummified baby bird feeder
Damn that’s nasty! Don’t have a mummified corpse to put in your yard so that birds and squirrels can feed from it’s dead body? No problem. Etsy seller AutumnsOddities has you covered. Your yard animals will love this Mummified Baby Bird Feeder.

Basically it makes it look like you left your kid permanently unattended in your yard until little Bobby or Susie has become squirrel food. Just fill it up with bird seed and then watch nature do it’s nasty thing. Just remember, they’ll be pecking at you next while you try to sip some lemonade in the backyard.
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These Electric Outlet Wall Art Stickers Are Shockingly Awesome

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electric outlet covers
Cover those boring electrical outlets with some fun pop culture characters. Etsy seller ElectricStickerCo has everything you need. Characters like Finn and Jake from Adventure Time, Heisenberg from Breaking Bad, Doctor Who, and a bunch of monsters.

Reminds me of that time I stuck my finger in the socket and got a cool new hairdo and was catatonic for like 2 hours. Thanks for child-proofing those outlets mom. I guess it helped to make me the freak I am today.
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Bear Paw Serving Bowl

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bear paw serving bowl
This bear paw serving bowl is how a real man eats his Chex party mix. Preferably from a bear you hunted yourself, but since I only like to act tough, I’ll just buy this serving bowl and act all macho. Right up until the wife gives me an ear full about how party mix is bad for me and I cower and whimper when she takes it away. Party mix bad? How could any party be bad? I guess I’ll just have to grin and bear it. Heh heh! I write these things up like I’m bustin’ a rhyme.

Yo yo!
My prose is grizzly
The weather is drizzly
Brown bear, polar, I don’t give a cluck
I see him come rollin, I run straight for my truck.
Gun it down the highway, nothing but cryin’
Did you poop your pants?
Of course I’m lyin’!