Tag: etsy

Hair Of The Sasquatch

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Hair Of The Sasquatch
Hows about a little hair of the Sasquatch? I’ve tried to get a sample of bigfoot hair myself, out in the wild, but every time I find some, the lab tests identify it as monkey pubes or whatever. Big foot is really hard to catch. I can’t even get any evidence on them. That Bigfoot probably grabbed a monkey and rubbed it on a tree just to throw me off his scent.

Anyway, you can get yourself some Sasquatch hair that has been preserved in glass. Alright, I’m gonna take a chance and get it. Better not be pubes again.

Cthulhu Chibi Doll Is A Real Terror Tot

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Cthulhu Chibi Doll Is A Real Terror Tot
Awwww look how cute? An ancient evil has awakened. A Cthulhu Chibi Doll. He’s cute, he’s naked and he’s mad. I would be mad too, if I was missing my low hanging tentacle. Poor guy has no pee-pee, but he has all of the other powers an ancient evil typically has. Hey, don’t judge my man Chibi Cthulhu. It’s not the size of the tentacle, it’s how you wiggle it around under your trench coat. Or so I’ve heard. The point is this little guy is adorable. I’ll try to stop focusing on what’s missing.

No. Can’t do it. Dude needs a wiener. Just drew one on my screen. That’s better. I feel like he’s complete now. I also feel like it’s called permanent marker for a reason. That dong is gonna follow me everywhere online just like the NSA.
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Preserved Maggot Filled Heart Pendant

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Preserved Maggot Filled Heart Pendant
Nothing says love like a Preserved Maggot Filled Heart Pendant. I love you. Here have some dead maggots. Because you wiggled your way into my rotting heart like a hungry maggot on a piece of meat that had been left out in the sun. And you just kept feeding on me… Our love is kinda weird.

Yeah, I should totally write greeting cards. And because I care enough to send the very best to those that I love, I’m getting this pendant for a very special lady. Maybe she will be my maggot queen. When I kiss her, she will turn into a fly. And that’s gonna be really annoying, cuz she’s gonna land on my food and stuff, so I’m gonna have to smack her with the flyswatter! Love is eternal sure, but don’t land on the filthy toilet seat with your fly legs and then land on my dinner!

Severed Finger Candles

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Severed Finger Candles
These Severed Finger Candles will be perfect for any birthday cake that you want to give the finger to. Give it several fingers cuz you don’t give a f**k. I stared at this image of candles for like an hour already cuz someone flipped me off today behind a fence and I was trying to pick it out of a lineup. There! I finger that one.

If you will excuse me, I have to go now. I have a date with some finger food just as soon as I buy it with my five finger discount. Hopefully they won’t finger me in a police lineup. That sounded dirty. I apologize. Police only do that in dirty movies. Anyway, I give these candles 2 middle fingers up. It’s the highest honor I can bestow on them.

Creepy Cool Hobo Nickels

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

Creepy Cool Hobo Nickels
Don’t spend these Creepy Cool Hobo Nickels all in one place. What’s a hobo nickel? I guess it’s what you pay hobos for doing hobo stuff. I’m gonna be a hobo so I can get some of these cool nickels. Gonna ride the rails all day, look all dirty, carry a knapsack and every Friday and go to the hobo payment center where I’m gonna collect all of the nickels. Sweet! People are always calling me a hobo anyway.

That’s not what we call you?

Really? What is that name you guys are always calling me?

You’ll figure it out. Use your rhyming skills.

Well I- Ohhhhhhh. I get it…. Do they have nickels too?
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