Tag: etsy

Alien vs Pinhead Painting

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Alien vs Pinhead Painting
Aw. Look at that alien getting ready to tuck in Pinhead in this Alien vs Pinhead Painting. Maybe read him a little dead-time story. I had no idea these two were friends. Pinhead has great taste in bedsheets. But how does he sleep without poking holes in his pillow? Guy must go through a pillow a night. Wait. I don’t think they’re friends. I think that alien is gonna eat that pinhead. Well, everything but his head. No way that alien wants to cut up his mouth.

Hush my little Pinhead, don’t you cry.
Alien’s in your room and you will die.
He’s here to pull your face away from your head.
And leave it on the pillow on your bloody bed.

Don’t Wish For It, Work For It Paper Weight

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Don't Wish For It, Work For It Paper Weight
At first i thought someone snuck into the gym and took a picture of me, but then I didn’t see any pizza and I knew it was cool. I just go for free pizza night and sit on the weight lifting bench eating it. But no, this is just a motivational paper weight. They did get all of my details just right though. The facial hair, chest hair, armpit hair. Even the outfit I wear.

The battery is all wrong though. I use a much taller battery. That way when I do lift, it encourages me to keep going. Lift, lower until the weight bar connects with the battery, get zapped and do it again.

Don’t Wish For It, Work For It! You hear that all you Genie lamp rubbers? Heh. Genie lamp rubbers. Sounds like a condom brand. Nobody steal that. I’m gonna patent it and sell it with the slogan, “Put it on. Rub and get 3 wishes.”
Read more “Don’t Wish For It, Work For It Paper Weight”

Labradorite Mini Skulls

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Labradorite Mini Skulls
Oh, shiny! These Labradorite Mini Skulls shimmer like a rainbow. It’s like the end of the rainbow is at a mass grave, with a leprechaun dancing a jig above. Labradorite… That’s a fun word. Say it with me. Lab-ra-dor-ite. There is no labradorwrong, only labradorite. These are some of the shiniest skulls I’ve ever seen and I used to have a job waxing and buffing that Pawn Stars guy’s head. We parted ways when he started that, “I’m sorry, our expert says that your services are only worth five dollars” crap. I wanted 50. That guy never names a fair price.

These are so pretty my skull hertz. Nah, I spelled that fine. It mega-hertz! Glad we’re on the same frequency. Normally to get these skulls you would have to hire a Labradorite Retriever and have him sniff them out, but you can just click the link above. I’m sure they are a Labra of love for the artist. Heh. I slay me. *Cough* No, really. Just slayed me. *Cough* Backed right into a decorative Hobbit sword. *Coughs blood* Avenge me!

Steampunk Paranormal Ghost Hunter Costume

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Steampunk Paranormal Ghost Hunter Costume
Now I can have my own ghost hunter show thanks to this awesome Steampunk Paranormal Ghost Hunter Costume. Cuz you gotta look the part when you’re pulling on fishing line and making stuff fly across the room for profit.

I gotta work on perfecting my upper crust A-hole Victorian accent. It comes with a cemetery hat, an old timey coat, vest, scarf, gloves and shirt. Plus Neon Ecto Bait Tube that glows under blacklight, a vial of Authentic Tombstone Az, Boot Hill Dirt that acts as Ghost protection, an animated/ Vocal Spirit Containment Lantern, and a Neon Blue Finger Light that illuminates You.

SWEET! I ain’t ‘fraid o no ghost.
Read more “Steampunk Paranormal Ghost Hunter Costume”

Paranormal Alphabet Cross Stitch Pattern

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Paranormal Alphabet Cross Stitch Pattern
If you’re looking for a cross-stitch pattern that features all kinds of paranormal stuff, check out this Paranormal Alphabet Cross Stitch Pattern. This thing is like a conspiracy wrapped in a riddle, with a creamy nugget enigma topping. It has the Illuminati, UFOs, Aliens, the Jersey Devil (I hear he recently relocated to New York) and much much more. It’s like the X-Files as created by a Golden Girl. Mind blown! The truth really is out there. Wayyyy out there.

My grandmother would love this pattern. She likes to sit in her chair knitting all night, wearing a tin-foil hat, so that the aliens don’t get her. That’s why I have like a hundred half finished shirts with Bigfoot getting out of a UFO. Don’t worry grandma, you’re safe for now, but displease me once more and those aliens in the clean white coats are coming to take you away.

Psst. I found a sweet and dirt cheap “Retirement community”. Odd that the guy that runs it likes to meet in back alleys. Also odd that the place looks like a burned out building with a bunch of homeless people, but what do I know about cutting edge elder care?