Tag: etsy

Alien Egg Night Light

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Alien Egg Night Light
I’m putting this Alien Egg Night Light in the bathroom so that the next time someone enters after me and says, “What the hell? Did you lay an Alien egg in there?” I can say yes. Yes I did. Enjoy it’s exotic glow mingled with the delicate yet putrid notes of my own natural scents.

This alien egg is pretty terrifying, but pretty cool. It’s where the Xenomorphs and facehuggers come from. They used to call me a facehugger too cause if I don’t like you or if you’re invading my space, my hand goes straight for the face and I don’t let go. No matter how much you lick at my palm. People think I’m all aggro and freaky, but really I’m just practicing the Vulcan mind meld. Spoiler alert: It doesn’t work. You just end up with a bunch of friends with dents in their face that match your fingers. They never showed that part in your precious Star Trek. You live, ya learn.
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Dream Creepers Are Plush Nightmares

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dream creeper
Jeeper creepers! Where’d ya get those Dream Creepers? From Busymockingbird of course. True to the shop name, they are busy. Busy churning out crazy creatures that are ready to invade your dreams and make them nightmares. They’re kind of like the mullet of the monster world: Creepy business up front with their demonic heads and a cute party in the back with their colorful bodies.

Guess who isn’t sleeping tonight! Did you guess my neighbor? You guessed right. Because I bought one and it’s going to look into his window while he sleeps and wake him up and stuff as he screams and pees his bed. That’ll teach you to take my parking spot! I may whisper the words, “Dreammmmmm Creeperrrrrrr” too.
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Big Butt Buddy Crochet Pattern

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big butt crochet
This Big Butt Buddy Crochet Pattern is exactly what it sounds like, a big crochet butt that will be your buddy.

Why you cheeky little-

Just talkin’ ’bout Butt Buddy.

You know what that means right?

Yeah, my buddy who is also a butt.

You mean your butt buddy?

Sure.

Ohhhhhh. Now I get it. Whatevs. I’m man enough to admit that me and my heinie homie are butt buddies.
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Plush Spam Sandwich

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plush spam sandwich
Hey it’s a Plush Spam Sandwich! I’m torn. On the one hand it’s spam which is a known (to my toilet)diuretic and is vomit inducing. On the other hand, it’s a plush that looks kinda cute. What to do? I think I’ll have the best of both worlds and puke while I cuddle it.

Kinda like I did that night I found out my date was packing a sausage in her spam sandwich. It was cuddly and cozy. With tears.

Baby Alien Xenomorph Fetus Chest Burster Necklace

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Baby Alien Xenomorph Fetus Chest Burster Necklace
My wife keeps bugging me for a baby. You want a baby? I’ll give you a baby. And I don’t mean that Baby Ruth I dropped in the public pool last week. A Xenomorph baby! How ya like that? This Baby Alien Xenomorph Fetus Chest Burster Necklace is your birthday gift. Baby delivered.

What do you mean you already have a fully grown baby? By the way, have you seen my blanky? You didn’t leave it at the laundromat again I hope. And why does Mr. Snuggles have a pair of scissors in his abdomen? *Inspects bear closer* Is this like the time my pajamas accidentally got thrown in the wood chipper? I can’t have anything nice.