Tag: etsy

Plush Spider Baby: Made From The Souls Of Your Old Toys

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plush spider babyDo you have a bunch of old toys that you would like to re-animate? Cool. Etsy sappymoosetree will work some strange cultist magic and turn your old toys into a kick-ass plush spider baby. Not sure if that involves zapping it with lightning or not, but once this thing comes to life, all of the toys in your house are dead.

And since it will have the souls of all of your old toys and the ones it just ate, it will be an unstoppable force of evil. It may even mutate again all on it’s own. If this thing wanders into a Toys R Us we are all screwed!
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Planet Of The Apes / Frankenstein Sculptures

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planet of the apes head
A planet where 3D Apes evolved from 2d pictures of monsters? In a picture frame? It’s alive! Alive! These apes have evolved from Frankenstein, creating FRANKENZAIUS and APENSTEIN. Clever play on words. You know what else is a clever play on words? FRANKEN-FECES. That’s what they will be flinging when they are forced to war with humans for our resources.

Does no one learn from Mary Shelly? Stop creating these things. Seriously. You’ll kill us all. Except for me. Ape shall not kill ape. Thank God for all this back hair! Wooo-hooo!

Bonus video below.
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Cheese Curl Art Prints

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cheese curl art print
Sure, these Cheese Curl Art Prints are pretty awesome. They have all kinds of cheesy art. There’s a Sasquatch, a cocker spaniel with it’s neck all tilted, the evolution of man in cheese curl form and much more.

About the only thing missing is an art print titled “Fat dude with cheesy puffs all over his shirt, licking his fingers and trying to type”. *Blinding flash* Spoke too soon! That will be a huge seller. Yells, “You gotta pay me royalties!” Damn paparazzi.
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Day of the Dead Skull Measuring Spoons

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skull measuring spoonsNo bones about it, these Day of the Dead Skull Measuring Spoons are perfect for when you’re making creepy cupcakes or terrifying treats. They’re in the Calavera style. Calavera is a representation of the human skull made from either sugar or clay, which is used in the Mexican celebration of the Day of the Dead. Bam! You just learned something new.

That makes me a teacher. A sensei. A guru. Luckily I hate learning as much as you do, so it’s recess time. *bell rings* Who’s up for a game of kickball? Oh, I see you started without me. Seriously? I’m still getting picked last? As in not at all? Be that way. Your loss. I was gonna bake a cake and bring it to class, but now I’m just gonna buy one pre-made and cry-eat while I grade your homework. So really, typical night.
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Cthulhu Candle

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cthulhu candle
Whether trying to get through a power outage or just setting up a candlelit dinner for two, live by the light of Cthulhu with this Cthulhu Candle. If he scares you, don’t worry. You get to watch his tentacled evil mass burn.

This hefty Cthulhu candle weighs about 1 pound and stands about 4 1/2 inches tall. He also has an’afterlife’ scent. Wait. Does that mean only he can smell it when he’s all burned down and dead? I have no idea. I thought he would smell more like burnt octopus.