Tag: etsy

Cat Butt Coasters: The Quicker Pucker-Upper

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cat butt coffee coasters
Tired of friends leaving sweat rings or drink stains on your tabletop? No worries. Try these Cat Butt Coasters: The Quicker Pucker-Upper. Just lay them out when you have company and these little clenched up Cat butts will keep your surfaces clean.

Keep them away from that one guy. You know, that one guy everybody knows, who has to be the joker and like, starts pushing M & M’s through the pink knitting in the center. He’s all like, hey look at this guys. He gives a chocolate suppository to the coaster and embarrasses everybody, so that you regret even inviting him over. Yeah, sadly I am that guy.

Rorschach Mask With Real Moving Inkblots

Artemis Winterford5 Comments

rorschach mask with real moving inkblots
This Rorschach mask, based on Rorschach from the Watchmen movie/comic is pretty amazing. And not just because I see a butterfly. Wait, no, I see two dragons with graduation hats fighting. It’s amazing because it is made with fabric paint that is temperature sensitive as well as safe and non toxic. In other words, those designs on the mask ACTUALLY MOVE! And it makes me freak out, because I don’t know what to tell my shrink that I see now. Don’t look unless you want nightmares!

It’s bat wings. It’s a KISS band member whose face is melting. It’s a clown with antlers!
Check out a video here.

Rhino Hoof Boots

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rhino hoof boots
These Rhino Hoof Boots make anyone look like Hillary Clinton. Dang! Did he just say that? Bang! Zing! Burn! Well leggo my Eggo and yankle my cankle! Thems some big hoofs! The seller says they were originally made for a Rocksteady costume, (You know, the rhinoceros guy from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) but I guess even he was like, “Yeah, too Hillary for me. Can we slim things up a bit?”

You know now that I see them in mom jeans, they don’t look so bad. I’ve seen far worse. Of course, I worked with elephants for a year.

Did you run away and join the circus?

No way. Talking about that time I worked for Jenny Craig, passing out flyers.

That’s mean!

Tell me about it. Took me a whole year to actually read those flyers. They had a picture of me with the caption, “Do NOT feed this man!” Hurtful! That also explained why I never got paid and why I had to buy my own meals only from them and talk about why I eat my feelings.

Thanks a lot mom. “Oh I talked to some people and got a job for you.”, she said. “They have a very strict eating policy.”, she said. “Just company rules.”

I’m out. Gotta go stuff it all deep down inside. Under a hot apple pie.

Crazy Ronald McDonald Up-cycled Vinyl Record & Clock

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ronald mcdonald record clock
WTF? Did I just stumble into the McDonalds-land delivery room? Yes. Yes I did. This is a Ronald McDonald Vinyl Record & Clock. The scene being depicted is of the Clown Prince of GMO delivering what is apparently his own baby, who is already wearing a weird little rope diaper. Also a portal to hell has opened in the upper right, letting in a bunch of eyeball bats.

Raise him right Ronald. Learn from your mistakes with Grimace and the Hamburglar. Mayor McCheese was the only kid that really made something of himself. A Cheeseburger.

Gigantic Alien Monster Sound System

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alien monster sound system
This Gigantic Alien Monster Sound System has landed on Earth to rock you like a hurricane. Gather around and prepare to be blown away by it’s gigantic speakers. Then prepare to be disappointed, because all he wants to play is coldplay. Hey, that’s some heavy teenage rage shizz where he comes from. It’s not his fault your ears are on your head instead of on your butt-flaps like a normal sentient creature.

This awesome Alien Monster Sound System will cost you $22,706.63 The 63 cents is an awesome tax. Mandatory for something this friggin’ righteous. I’m gonna stand right up in front of him and proclaim that I am ready to rock! Then when the first sound hits the speakers I’m gonna be thrown like 500 feet. Again! Again!
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