Become A Needle Felted Zombie

Become A Needle Felted Zombie
Hey guys, let’s all become Needle Felted Zombies. You get the yarn, I’ll poke you with needles. Etsy seller DarlinGirlCreations will create a zombie in your likeness. Not mine. That one on the right looks about right for me, except I’m usually passed out on a chair with Cheeto drool dripping from my mouth. Otherwise it’s uncanny. Like an X-Man. I’m Drool-verine. *Snnnkkkk! Extends my metal claws and starts needle felting zombies like Edward Scissorhands after happy hour.*

Looks at my masterpieces. Ohhhhhhh. Needle felted right? For some reason I heard “Beetle Felted Zombies”. Now what am I gonna do with 4 felted beetle zombies? Hmmmm. I know. Felt undead Beatles tribute band!

Bigfoot Christmas Ornaments

bigfoot ornament
Have a Bigfoot sighting on your Christmas tree. Without hitting the alcohol I mean. You can get these Bigfoot Christmas Ornaments singly or as a 3 pack. Ohh la la. Menage-a-squatch.

Jingle Bells,
Yeti smells,
Sasquatch laid an egg…

Actually that was me. Sorry about that. Eggnog gives me gas.

Crazy Plush Specimens In Flasks

Crazy Plush Specimens In Flasks
If you’ve ever wanted to collect some specimens inside of chemistry flasks, this is your lucky day. Etsy seller carelesspress has several of these Crazy Plush Specimens In Flasks. I have no idea what kinds of specimens these are, but they are plush and probably very highly contagious diseases. Like a prozzy in a fur coat.

Collect them all and be THAT weird scientist guy. You know, the one who isn’t really a scientist, but has plush specimens in jars. Fine, I admit it. It’s me. Except all of my specimens are in jars in my fridge. And they’re plush because they’re mold.
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Leather Tarot Card Holders

Tarot Card Holders
Etsy seller ContrivedtoCharm has some cool Leather Tarot Card Holders. That way you can keep your deck safe and organized. Reminds me of the only time I ever went to a psychic for a Tarot Card reading:

The death card. What does that mean?

Death! You idiot!

You mean someone in this room is gonna die?

I think we both know who.

Whatevs ya old crackpot! *Throws a tip on the table and heads for the door. Leaves and slams door. Hears a loud BOOOOOMMMMM! Opens door and peeks back in. Sees a pair of feet sticking out from underneath the piano that fell from the second floor.*

Holy Madame Cleo! She was right.

*Tiptoes around the wreckage to retrieve my tip.*
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Krampus Effigy Candle

Krampus Effigy Candle

Check out this Krampus Effigy Candle. Or maybe it’s Gene Simmons. Now I’m not sure. Just like his head and set the mood. Whether it’s a romantic dinner you want or a soak in the tub, Krampus will be there. With his head on fire. And strangely, he’s not running around looking for a bucket of water to put it out.

I like Krampus. Gonna write a comedy screenplay. Here’s my pitch: It’s called Krampus on Campus. It’s a coming of age story about Krampus attending college. He parties, he lives, he love, he learns… It’s a heartwarming tale of a creature with a dream.