Tag: fun

Texas Wound ‘Em: Bandage Shaped Poker Playing Cards

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bandage playing cardsI have a full house, Boo-boos high. I have a royal flush, ouchies high. I have a pair of one eye’d kings…because they both got stabbed in the eye.

Fun for the whole family. These Bandage Shaped Poker Playing Cards combine two of our favorite pastimes, Poker and open wounds that need bandaging. How do you not already use these cards on your Poker night? They look like bandages, but are playing cards.

They were obviously designed by some kid who skinned his knee running away from a poker game where he just cleaned all the other kids out, cheating them out of all of their pop-rocks and pixie sticks and other uncontrolled diabetic substances. Probably wrecked his big wheel and when he hit his head, he came up with this idea. Of course his parents probably stole his money and so today he lives in a shack in Arkansas where he hits his head repeatedly on the wall, trying to strike gold again. Sad really.

Christmas Elf On The Shelf Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Costume

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elf on a shelf ninja turtle
This elf is bad to the bone. He doesn’t just sit on the shelf. He cosplays while he’s up there. As a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Etsy seller Candygramscreations makes all kinds of clothes so you can dress your Christmas elf for success. This outfit comes with a front and back shell, a belt, mask, and 4 swords. Cowabunga!

Basically she is making elves super hip and cool, because otherwise, they just sit there creeping you out. Thanks for making the world a better place. I sometimes dress my Christmas elf up as a D and D elf, because I basically have no imagination. Sometimes as one of the Rice Krispies guys.
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Inflatable Toast

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inflatable toastInflatable Toast is the toast of the town. It is guaranteed to turn your frown upside down. That much is certain. But what the hell do you do with it? Hang it from your car rearview mirror? Present it to a mouse as a nice comfy air mattress?

I have no idea. I just really love toast enough to buy this. Toast is awesome. Buttery toast with jam. Yummy. Maybe I will use this as a toast rest. I have no idea, but I feel a rhyme coming on.

Inflatable Toast.
Blow it up with some air.

Put some butta on dat b**ch
like you don’t even care.

Spread it real good
till it’s nice and creamy.

I eat toast in the shower
all nice and steamy.

Bottom of ma toaster
all filled with crumbs.

All you haters of carbs
are f***ing dumb!

Mr. Predator Action Figure

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predator action figure
This Mr. Predator action figure would be loads of fun. You could use your other action figures and play out all kinds of real world situations. Things that might happen to “Mr. Predator”.

Hello Mr. Predator. Thank you for coming to the job interview. I see here you are skilled at hunting and setting off nuclear weapons in the jungle. Can’t see through mud though. Hmmm. That might be a problem here seeing as how this pottery factory makes goods from clay. With a face like that you should be opening metal cans for a living. Ha ha ha.

The interview always ends with Mr. Predator removing the guy’s spine and tucking it in his briefcase, before adjusting his tie and walking out the door.
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Epic Little Trees: Bob Ross IS Thor

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epic bob rossYou want some happy trees? You want some pretty clouds? Bob Ross has channeled the power of Thor and is here to lay the smack down on any blank canvas that gets in his way. That’s why they call him Bob “the hammer” Ross.

Right now he’s in PBS heaven with Mr. Rogers and Captain Kangaroo, where they are trying to form an Avengers team, but Fred Rogers refuses to hulk the f**k out and Julia Child isn’t all that sexy as Black Widow. They’re working on it. They may have to come down to Earth and recruit Bob Villa to make some crazy armor suit out of old run-down homes.

Thanks for the tip Sarah. As soon as they form a team, you’ll be working the phones at the pledge drive right? I want a cheap tote with a logo on it.