Tag: halloween

NSFW The Paranormal Life and Times Of Jerry Wells

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The Paranormal Life and Times Of Jerry Wells
NSFW Warning due to foul potty mouths.

I have no idea who Jerry Wells is. Maybe he’s the one who lives in the haunted house that looks like a double-wide trailer. Maybe he’s the neighbor that shows up to help them with their paranormal troubles. I have no clue. But this is his Youtube channel. Basically, a bunch of freaky stuff happens to this family of… (Be politically correct. Be politically correct…) crimson-necked Nascar attendees. They have some serious poltergeist activity that no doubt forces them to miss out on things like Walmart sales and buying Dale Earnhardt merch on QVC. Cuz this stuff is some dramatic activity. And it moves with them from place to place.

The first video starts off with papa bear enjoying a smoke and a mountain dew on his EZ chair, just chillin’ in front of his confederate flag drapery. Pretty soon, all hell breaks loose. And by hell, I mean bad acting. Here’s the first line of dialogue: “I’m so glad we went out and got this new camcorder…” Yeah. seems legit. It’s worth watching it all the way through. It’s like the Beverly Hillbillies lost all of their money and got ghost-rich up in this crib.

The ghost starts to mess with the piano at one point, but I’m guessing it was just a gerbil they stuck in there. Make your own follow up joke. At one point the dude reaches in the kitchen cabinet (Which is full of their best china…Red party cups) and grabs a plastic red party cup. Dude pours his coffee in, pops it in the microwave and wonders why the ghost messed with the microwave.  This stuff is para-not-normal gold.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlEFd6Maogg

Click through for another vid of a kid’s birthday party where a ghost destroys the kitchen. Here are some highlights:
Kids are happy, despite the genetic chutes and ladders game taking place in that room. Candles are getting lit. They start singing happy birthday. Candles get blown out. Then at the 1:00 mark shizz gets real!
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Designer Skeleton Costumes

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Designer Skeleton Costumes
Whoa. Nice bones ladies. Nice bones. I mean it. I would never fib…ula. What’s that? You find me humorous? I was worried I would come off too stern…um. Mind if I check out your carpal tunnel? *SLAP* Damn. Just talking about your bones. Anyway, these Designer Skeleton Costumes from BADINKA let people see right into your skin like you are a walking X-ray. And consider me the TSA, cuz I like what I’m seeing. I might even have to pat you down.

These bones have a healthy glow about them. Not sure where the butterflies came from in that one below though. Wait, I get it. I knew these girls were into me. She’s got butterflies in her stomach. Or bone-r-flies. Uh, that doesn’t sound right.
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Werewolf Eye Pendant

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Werewolf Eye Pendant
This Werewolf Eye Pendant is giving me the stink eye. At least, that’s what I assume, since werewolves all stink. It’s like they captured the eyeball just as the dude was turning into a Werewolf and now you can wear it. I hope you’re happy. Meanwhile, some poor Werewolf is going by the name of “One-Eye” and his depth perception is junk now. Can’t even catch a squirrel. Can’t even sleep with one eye open to watch out for other threats. You have basically signed this guy’s death warrant. Was it worth it? Well?

Yeah, I agree, it’s totally worth it. That’s a rad pendant. He’s still got an eye. No harm done. Not like he could see well enough to hurt you anyway, if he found out.

Nightmare On Elm Street Freddy Krueger Pendant Necklace

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Nightmare On Elm Street Freddy Krueger Pendant Necklace
All you people who say that Freddy has no heart, you’re wrong. It’s right here. Even looks like his sweater and has his hat hung right on the corner. Also has slash marks because apparently Freddy tried to give himself open heart surgery at some point. This Nightmare On Elm Street Freddy Krueger Pendant Necklace is a fashionable tribute to a fashionable guy. Hey, it takes guts to rock that sweater and hat.

Now you can wear Freddy’s cold dead heart and he may even spare you if it sees it around your neck in a dream. Yeah, I doubt it too, but you never know.

Raven Skull Belt Buckle

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Raven Skull Belt Buckle
This Raven Skull Belt Buckle has a one word comment to make about your sex life as it hangs over your junk ominously and pecks at your soul: Nevermore!

Wow! That skull just burned you good. Hey, I didn’t say it, the bird skull did.

It’s a pecker that holds up your pants. Everybody’s “raven” about it.
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