Tag: halloween

Bones The English Butler

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bones english butler
Bones The English Butler apparently doesn’t know how to wear pants that fit. Or shoes. But he’s a good servant. He puts up with a lot.

“Bones, come here. I need you!”

“How may I be of help sir?”

“You can start by wearing a proper shirt that will cover your ribs. There’s a good man. And for good sake’s chap, must your free hand always be in the position of catching a high five from behind, while it is down low because I’m too slow? Straighten up and get me a brandy so I can stand the sight of you. And get that murder out of your eye sockets.”

“Death sir…”

“What was that?”

“Yes sir!”

“Quite. Quite.”

Realistic Severed Fingers Soaps

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realistic finger soap
La di da di da. *scrubbin’ away in the shower.* Oh that feels good. Can’t forget the butt crack. Wait a minute, whose- Oh it’s just my Realistic Severed Fingers Soaps. I thought I was going to have a problem there for a minute, but it’s my soap. I bought it. That makes it consensual. Still a surprise, but consensual.

I might consider melting these together so it feels like someone else is bathing me. Is that weird? What about putting a ring on one and pretending I am a blushing bride, just whisked off to my honeymoon in the Alps? The fire is blazing, the bath is warm and I’m innocent as can be as fingers gently wash my back.

Weird? Yeah, I’ll just stick with my fish in a bag soap.
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Predator Crochet Mask

Artemis Winterford2 Comments

predator crochet mask
Quick. Get to da chopper! No you idiot, not the motorcycle with da long front wheel, de heli-chopper! *Predator stabs me through the back and rips out my spine.* Thanks for clarifying Arnold. Next time be more specific. I mean chopper could also mean blender for Christ’s sake. You want me to run toward a blender? Thanks for ending my life with your less than clear advice! *Dies*

This Predator Crochet Mask is scary and crafty as hell. Experience the softer side of Predator. And if you are in the jungle and running from Predator, be very clear about what you are shouting. Lookin’ at you Arnold.
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Dog Pajamas: A Woof in Sheep’s Clothing

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dog sheep pajamas costume
Is your dog perpetually sleepy and also a nerd? Etsy seller RebelWag sells dog pajamas. For dogs. Like this sheep costume/pajama thing here. I’ve never bothered counting sheep at night, but then again, I’ve never had a dog that dressed like one.

Dammit Spot! That was too fast. Now try it again and this time jump over the bed slower so I don’t lose count. And bark when I say the number. I’m trying to fall asleep here. “One sheep.” woof! “Two sheep.” Woof……

Woof.

Shut up. Trying to sleep here. Lousy sheep-dog!
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Zombies Playing Cards

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bicycle zombie playing cards
These Zombies Playing Cards will turn your poker night into “The Shuffling Dead”. They feature some pretty cool zombie artwork.

Zombie survival tip #27: You can throw playing cards at a zombie to stab him in the eye. But it probably won’t work. So just run like hell and save your cards for a lonely night in some basement bunker somewhere.
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