Turn your dog or cat into the king of the jungle with this Lion Pet Wig. Other animals will cower to your pet at the dog park. I’m thinking about wearing one myself. It might make me the alpha-nerd in the comic book store. I said I wanted issue #1 NOW! Roarrrrrrr. *Collects myself* Thank you and have a nice day. But mister- I said good day sir!
In the jungle, the mighty jungle a nerd sleeps tonight. Wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh.
You can store your trinkets in these Monster Boxes With Teeth from Etsy seller Left Hand Asylum and no one would dare plunder your treasures. Well, if there was a twinkie inside or a candy bar, I would take my chances prying those jaws apart. I might lose a finger or three, but it would be totally worth it. First I would get a stick and jam it in there so he can’t bite down, then I would comment on it’s bad breath and throw a tic-tac in there. Then, like Indiana Jones, I would carefully open the box inside.
Two pieces of lint and a Fortune Cookie! *Eats fortune cookie up. Looks at the fortune* “The fortune you seek is in another cookie.” Stupid monster box! Hey… In another cookie… I have a box of Oreos in the kitchen. I’ll start there.
*Two years later*
*Chinese doctor comes back in the room. Hands me a tiny fortune shaped paper* It reads: You have diabetes. Doctor says, “Monster take many forms. You have your fortune. Thanks for tic-tac” and vanishes.
God dammit!
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The BUG-EYED MAN is in your town. He’s on the sides of your buildings. He’s landing on your delicious picnic meal, then rubbing his butt in it as his tongue flicks all crazy like. He just spent like five minutes on a steaming pile of poo, soaking up the sun and the germs like he was in a four star resort and now he has landed on your skin, knocking you to the ground because this is a man sized freak! And totally not hygienic!
Yeah, that’s how it would be if I got this Leather Bug-Eyed Alien Mask. I could finally be a proper public menace and not just an internet menace. It is my destiny!
What’s up chrome bones? You’re looking shiny, but I’m not sure if you’re supposed to be a fancy lady or a dangerous pimp- *SMACK* Well, that answers that question. You got a firm pimp hand and I respect that. No, I swear I haven’t been holding out on you. I wouldn’t do- *SMACK* Damn dude, chill. Okay, okay. *Reaches into my man-bra and pulls out a wad of dollar bills* Have all of it. Geesh! That was supposed to be my pizza money. Anyhow, looks like I’m working for you now. Should I just put on some rouge and fishnets or hit the corner as I am? You’re right, I should probably put on some pants first. Can’t give it away for free after all. Laterz pimp daddy. Your hand and my face will negotiate terms later.
This Lifesize Chrome Skeleton can be dressed up, posed, hung from a second story window, buried, burned, sent down a steep hill in a barrel… You can do whatever you want with it. Just respect his pimp hand and he’ll treat ya right.
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Unleash your inner Frankenstein with these freaky and cool Frankenstein Boots. It’s alive! It’s alive! Yeah, but does it have a soul? No, however it does have a sole and some cool bolts on the side. I usually slip mine on, then tighten ’em with a wench.
A wench?
I mean a wrench. Sorry. Was thinking about Frankenstein’s wife for a sec. She forgot to pack me a lunch today and Dr. Frankenstein is very annoyed.