I love this Tombstone and Open Grave Ring from VonErickson, who also made these cool zombie graduation rings. The problem is, ever since I started wearing it, that open grave keeps filling up with corpses. I fall asleep and wake up to find a dead cockroach inside. I swat a fly on my arm and it lands right in the open grave. That’s all cool, but the tombstone gets new writing every time. When I killed that fly it read “Buzzkill”. When the cockroach was in there, it had the bug’s name along with a birth and death date and “Father of two million”. Crazy.
Tag: horror
This Coffin Cutting Board Is Perfect For A Last Meal
How ironic would it be to cut yourself while using this Coffin Cutting Board and bleed out, therefore going directly to a real coffin? That’s ironic. Don’t ya think? Ittttt’s likeee raiiinnnnnn on yourrrr weddding day…… Sorry about that. Had a touch of Alanis Morissette syndrome. More like Adonis Morissette, cuz I’m so effing handsome! The ladies know what I’m talking about.
Also ironic if you get salmonella on this board and you die. I wonder how he’s doing. I haven’t seen Sal Monella in ages! Dude makes me laugh. Absolutely kills me every time.
The Creature From The Black Lagoon Super Size Action Figure
Super size me! What- Not french fries and a Coke, but I’ll take those too. I’m talkin’ a super sized monster for your toy collection. The Creature From The Black Lagoon Super Size Action Figure. Dude stands 22 inches tall. This is one purchase I won’t feel Gill-ty about. I’m gonna take him in the bath tub with me too. What? Dude needs moisture constantly. Ain’t nothing wrong with a little man and Creature action in the rub-a-dub-tub!
It beats that cheap knock-off version my mom got me called Preacher From The Black Lagoon. You can only pull the string and hear a sermon somany times before you have to kill it with fire. He did have a kick ass preacher outfit dripping with seaweed though.
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Scary Skeleton Socks
Want some bones for those cold lower digits? These Scary Skeleton Socks will do. You might say they are skeleton crew socks. Get it? I love these socks. I say sock it to me! Are your feet cold or are they skulled? Skulled is better. Okay, don’t skulled me for such a bad joke. I had a pair like this once. I wore them until the bones had holes in them, so I just drank a bunch a milk and repaired them. True story. But I left out the part where I was drunk. And now I’ve shared it. No secrets from you guys, cuz we’re BFFFs. Best Friends For F**ks Sake!
Edgar Allan Poe Nevermore Leggings
Stick your Edgar Allan Toes into these Edgar Allan Poe Nevermore Leggings. Your legs will be bare nevermore. Although, if I’m reading these macabre hieroglyphics correctly from top to bottom it actually says, “Edgar Raven Skull”. Which is a much cooler name. That’s what I’m gonna call him from now on. I’m also gonna drop this in casual conversation. “Great face. You have an Edgar Raven Skull, my good man!” See, this is why people think I’m weird. Cuz I am.
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