Tag: horror

Poisonous Creeper Plants

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Poisonous Creeper PlantsThese Poisonous Creeper Plants from HallowedGrave will make your home look all creepy and Beetlejuice like. And they promise not to strangle you in the night or grab your hand when you are watering them. Not that promises mean anything from a creeper plant. Every Creeper is handmade and unique. Plus they come in many different colors. These plants are spooky, people!

If I were you, I would put some googly eyes on it cuz then you could ask it, “Jeepers creepers, where’d you get those peepers?” Of course you would already know, because they came from you. So forget I said anything.
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Vampire Teeth Ring

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Vampire Teeth Ring
This Vampire Teeth Ring has got bite! You know that Dracula wears one like this right? But I ain’t tellin’ ya where he wears it. Know what I’m sayin’? What I’m sayin’ is he wears it as a Vampire C**k Ring, or VCR for short. Why ya gotta make me spell it out for ya? Damn. Never ask to see a Vampires VCR, cuz that ain’t a Samsung or Panasonic! What do you mean, how do I know? I just do. I’ve said too much. The point is, you should wear it out in the open so everybody knows. Just sayin’. I’m getting two of these bad boys so I can have a full Vampire jaw on my finger.

Hellraiser III Pinhead Action Figure

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Hellraiser III Pinhead Action Figure
This Hellraiser III Pinhead Action Figure is based on Hellraiser III, which is triple the hell and twice the hades. Same amount of pins in the head. He stands 6-Inches tall and has 8 points of articulation. That means you can pose him in all kinds of neat poses. He comes with two sets of arms and two interchangeable sets of hands. He also comes with his infamous puzzle cube and the unholy instruments of torture. Which I’m not sure they got right, cuz according to my wife, the unholy instrument of torture is my voice. But what do I know?

Cthulhu Bottle Opener

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Cthulhu Bottle Opener
Yo Cthulhu, lend me a tentacle with my beer. Cuz the only thing worse than an elder horror is the horror of being without a cold beer. This Cthulhu Bottle Opener will let you pop those bottle caps with the power of the tentacled one himself. Bring me the head of Cthulhu! For I must drink! Cuz H.P. Lovecraft stands for Heineken Pabst Lovecraft. True story. I think. I may have just made that up in a drunken stupor.

Hey, that reminds me of a joke. What do you call an alcoholic apartment manager? The Stupor-intendent. Ha ha ha. Drunk humor is the best. Thanks for all the Cthulhu Mr. Hangover Prone Lovecraft. Laterz.

Funko Mopeez Classic Horror Plushies

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Funko Mopeez Classic Horror Plushies
Feeling mopey? Yeah, me too.It’s cuz I don’t have any of these Funko Mopeez Classic Horror Plushies. I knew I was missing something in my life. It was a bunch of cuddly horror movie killers. You know what else is a horror movie killer? Diarrhea! Well, it’s a movie killer in general. Too many milk duds and a river of coke in my stomach. That’s why I always bring a change of pants to the theater. Lifehacks people!