Tag: jewelry

Underwear Earrings: Briefs, Not Boxers

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Underwear EarringsUnderwear that’s fun to wear. For your ears. It even has that little wiener door, just like real underwear. Some guys just use the window, meaning they pull their underwear down to drain the dragon. I prefer the door, because it’s more dramatic when a dragon bursts through the door, throwing splinters everywhere and letting out a mighty roar.

Ok, ok. So mine is not so much a dragon as it is a dragonfly. Anyway, it’s not the size, it’s what you do with your wings. Am I right girls? …Girls? Any insect lovers in the audience? I do this thing where I hover, then move, and hover again.

Custom Godzilla Sterling Silver Rings

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

godzilla ringsMake your fist one of fury when you put a Godzilla on each finger. I got a fist full of Godzilla’s and your face is Tokyo! Let’s get to wreckin’! Nah. It’s not like these awesome Godzilla rings are brass knuckles. There’s no way you could hurt someone while wearing these rings.

Well, maybe Mothra. Mothra is just begging for it? He thinks being a Moth is going to be able to stand up against the mighty Godzilla. Godzilla would just light a fart- Wait, these rings cost $385? I just realized I have way to many fingers. Looks like if I want to play Godzilla, it’s finger puppets for me.

Dinosaurs Wearing Makeup And Jewelry

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dino princessEtsy seller FrivolousForest offers all kinds of sweet painted ladies. Of the extinct variety. She makes dinosaurs sexy and Princess-like by putting all kinds of makeup and jewelry on them. Damn girl, you looking good. I’m gonna come down on you like an extinction level event.

These ladies are keeping it all classic in the Jurassic. Click through for more.
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Turn Any Hipster Into A Cuckoo Clock With This Bird Head Brooch

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bird bow tieNeed to up your wardrobe? Just put a bird on it. It’s like a chestbursting alien, only it’s a dead bird’s head. And there is no blood.

Just affix this $95 bird head to your shirt and you are now a cuckoo clock. Maybe you can rig it to pop out on the hour. I hope you and your fine feathered friend have lots of adventures together. Cuckoo. Cuckoo.

Click through for more bird-on-man images.
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Kitty Has Claws: Rhinestone Claw Nail Rings

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

rhinestone claw nail ringOh baby that feels so good when you drag your nails across my back. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-OOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Why do you always have to draw blood? I buy you expensive bling-bling and this is how you repay me? *slash to the face* What the hell woman?

That’s pretty much how I see things going down if you buy these Rhinestone Claw Nail Rings. Women. Can’t live with ’em, can’t avoid their razor sharp claws. Now women everywhere will be unleashing their fury on men who have wronged them and others who are just in the way:

Hello Lady Wolverine. Do you have reservations? I’ll just see if we- *lightning quick slash* I’ll just fall to my knees and hit the floor, while blood spurts out my neck.