Tag: novelty

Life Sized Velociraptor Hatching From An Egg

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Life Sized Velociraptor Hatching From An Egg
Jumping Jurassic Jeepers! A Life Sized Velociraptor Hatching From An Egg. This thing is going to look awesome in my living room. I’m gonna put a little top hat on him. A life sized dinosaur is better than a tiny one, cuz you don’t want to step on it. Then what you’ve got is a Ve-splosh-ciraptor. It’s also a real Jurassic mess to clean up.

This guy or gal is freshly hatched from his egg, with some added egg birth goo stuff. Nice touch. Man, if we were the Flintstones, we’d be buying these by the dozen and frying up dinosaur eggs with Brontosaurus burgers. But it isn’t. All we eat are lousy chicken eggs. I want to eat an egg from something that can kill me. Oh yeah, salmonella. Never mind. This guy was just born and looks like he already wants to kill you.

Deadbeat Voodoo Doll: Make A Deadbeat Pay

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Deadbeat Voodoo Doll Make A Deadbeat Pay
If you know a deadbeat, use the Deadbeat Voodoo Doll to make them pay up. This hairy chested deadbeat looks just like the deadbeat that you know, except he has the initials DB on his dirty underwear. Otherwise, it is just like the scumbag you know in real life. Use the included 3 pins to cause some pain and make him pay up. Beat that deadbeat at his own game. Maybe dip those pins in some ink and give him a tattoo. Maybe a nice little tramp-stamp.

*Ding Dong.* Who could that be?

*Opens door.* My deadbeat dad is standing there, with pinpricks all over his body. He hands me some money and is all like, “Please make it stop. I’m making my payments see. Please!”

*Closes door and goes back to the couch. Picks up voodoo doll.* Time to start working on the next payment. *Jab. Jab. Jab.*

Cthulhu Fiber Optic Christmas Tree Topper

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Cthulhu Fiber Optic Christmas Tree Topper
Merry Cthulhu everyone! Celebrate Cthulhu-mas with this awesome Cthulhu fiber optic Christmas tree topper. Look at him waving from atop the tree. He’s ready to spread the Christmas fear. This is gonna look great on my tree. I’m thinking of replacing the tree branches with tentacles too. Maybe trim the whole thing with some seaweed.

This thing stands 13.5″ tall and changes colors.
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Coffin PopTart Ornament With Real Sprinkles

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Coffin PopTart Ornament With Real Sprinkles
At least the Coffin PopTart ornament is honest. Those things will kill ya. I should know too, cuz I’ve had enough of them thrown at my head. I like to anger my wife at breakfast. Santa is a jolly old fella. Meaning he’s fat. So hang this on your tree and you are gonna get some good presents. It better not be polka dot socks like last year.

I’m getting this, cuz coffin Poptarts beats coughin’ poptarts. Hey, I eat real fast. These things are delicious.

Mini Roadkill Raccoon

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Mini Roadkill Raccoon
Mini Roadkill. It’s like life-sized roadkill, only less messy, with less stink and decomposing. This Mini Roadkill Raccoon will make a great accent piece for your desk, table, shelf, wherever you need a small animal with tire tracks across it’s flattened body. Do you think his name is Stanley? As in flat Stanley? Speaking of that dude, maybe you can mail this guy back and forth across the world, as a reminder to look when you drive. I’m just spit-balling ideas.

I have no idea what to do with a flattened Raccoon. Put it on your Christmas tree behind an elf on a cycle, so it looks like he’s leaving the scene of an accident. Or maybe it was no accident. Elves are demented like that.