Tag: novelty

Embryo Pendants In Santa Hats

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Embryo Pair In Santa Hats
What’s up hombres? I mean Embres. Em-bre-os. Bryos before hos right? I’m just messin’ with you guys. Looking good. Forming up nice. Got your little Santa hats on. All cuddled up with each other on your little bed. You look hungry. What are you trying to say? Ohhh, I get it. “Feed us.” Hey, that’s a terrible joke for a fetus to make.

These Embryo Pendants In Santa Hats are just plain freaky. What kind of fetuses spoon each other in bed while wearing Santa hats? They will assault my nightmares tonight and I look forward to doing battle. I hope they find me a worthy adversary as my sword delivers the finishing death blow.

Cleetus was a fetus
and he liked to act elitist.

The womb he did pester
until the third trimester.

And now he’s a loud-ass baby crying all night. Make it stop. Make it stop. Please make it stop!
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Zombie Brain Christmas Ornaments With Spinal Cords

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Zombie Brain Christmas Ornaments With Spinal Cords
Brains! Brains! Brains! Wait, what was I saying? Oh yeah, I need some head-flesh. Some Zombie Brain Christmas Ornaments for my Christmas tree. If you know a zombie who celebrates Xmas, these ornaments are for them. They can just pick them off the tree and eat them like candy. Which isn’t recommended for mere humans.

They won’t make your tree any smarter. If anything, decorating your tree with these during the winter months will lead to brain freeze. See what I did there?
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Squid Plush Body Pillows

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Giant Squid Plush Body Pillows
It’s a squid party on the couch and everyone’s invited. Everyone with tentacles that is. You can have your very own squid squad, which sounds like an awesome underwater buddy cop show. I can’t wait to see the pilot. Well, hello Ms. Calamari, so glad you could make it. Squidworth my man, how are you? Give me five…multiple times. I’m just squid-ding around with ya. Don’t spit at me. Think before you ink my brotha! We all gonna Netflix and chill? Not like that my man. You crazy. We’re just gonna hang and have a good time.

When you have a bunch of squid, you’ve either got a party or a dinner. These Giant Squid Plush Body Pillows make it a party. Fill up your couch and snuggle with them all night long. Just don’t cuddle too long. Things get weird. Is it an adult activity at that point? I’m not judging. Just be aware that it’s a fine line between innocence and a weird, plush squid orgy.

I’m Not One To Brag Underwear

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I'm Not One To Brag Underwear
I’m not one to brag, but check out my new underwear. Woo-Hoo. It’s got a ruler on it so I can do home improvement in my underwear. Gets sweaty and hot when you’re doing man stuff. Sometimes the cops come when you’re on the roof with a beer and a hammer.

You do know that’s not for measuring stuff when fixing the house right?

Huh? You’re just jealous of my cool new underwear.

It’s for measuring your wing-wang.

*Stops cold.* Really?

Why do you think the cops keep coming? It’s because you keep rubbing your junk against stuff to get measurements. Are you fixing the roof or dry humping it?

Fair enough. Also, I don’t think these are my size, cuz my wing-wang ain’t measuring up.

Black Octopus Purse

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Octopus Purse
This Black Octopus Purse is the ultimate accessor-sea. It has enough tentacles to hold all of your stuff and never let go. Best of all it won’t spit ink in your face whenever you go to get your lipstick. Put a padlock on it and ya got a lock-topus. Store your frock inside and ya got a frock-topus. The possibilities are endless as the sea. You’ll love that you can high five it’s mighty tentacles.

Octopi are pretty smart creatures. It might even hand you the stuff you need. Pretty cool.