I think we’ve all seen these guys. You’re minding your own business eating like your 10th taco when suddenly you start to cramp and have to make a run for the border. You strain, you curse, you do that fast pregnancy breathing thing and boom, next thing you know you drop a Poop Monster. Mine usually looks sad and waves his stumpy poop arms at me before I flush and whisk him away to the land of fecal enchantment.
Tag: novelty
Finders Creepers Horror Figurines
Jeepers creepers, check out Finders Creepers. They have cool one of a kind horror figurines that are like your grandma’s figurines, but not so nice after they have had a makeover. You can choose from Lizzie Borden, aliens and other assorted creepers.
Did Lizzie Borden do it? Duh! She had an axe to grind.
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Mr. Teddy Man Body Pillow
You’re so snuggly Mr. Teddy Man. Will you make all of my dreams come true and love me forever? You’re so sweet. I wish I could lay here forever in your manly embrace. But I have to go to work and pine for you for the next 8 hours, while I wonder why I don’t have a real man. Oh no! I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Please don’t leave me! I can do better. I can change. I didn’t mean it! Please don’t- Oh, you aren’t leaving. I’m sorry. You really are the best. I don’t deserve you.
My Dead Little Pony Necklace
This My Dead Little Pony Necklace proves that friendship is tragic, not magic. A good Pony name for this one is Rainbow Slash, Pinkie Die, or Flutter-Die. This pony looks like it got struck by lightning. Now it is My Little Skeleton.
I knew this would happen. Pony up that money you bet me. You know who you are. Don’t make me shout about it until I’m horse. I’ll spare you more horse jokes and pony bologna.
Consume, Sleep, Obey: They Live Mask
What’s up formaldehyde face? It looks like your head fell in the cheese dip back in 1957. You. You’re okay. This one? Real f**kin ugly. I’m not saying that nothing would happen after a couple of drinks, though.
This They Live mask makes you look like one of those aliens that secretly controls the world. I’m surprised I can see it for what it is. I’ve spent like 4 years checking out every pair of sunglasses in every store and I haven’t found the magic pair yet, that will let me see our true masters.