Piddle Pail. It’s exactly what it sounds like. A lunch box that you pee in. Cuz why not? I get that you have to pee and sometimes the rest room is not available. But making the container out of a lunch box? That’s either genius or some insane asylum inspiration right there.
Just pee in the hose and add to your collection. I hope dad grabbed the right lunch box this morning. Uh-Oh!
Kraken of the Sea. Isn’t that what happens when the can says Chicken of the Sea, but when you open it, tentacles flail out, getting all in your nostrils and stuff? Happened to me once. Tickled.
This Kraken Of The Sea Hooded Scarf is a hoodie and a scarf in one. It’s being modeled by a lovely redhead who was just a mermaid in the wrong place at the wrong time. The right place would have been my place. The right time? 9 o’clock. Before you come over, slip into something a little more casual. I already have tentacles that will be all over you. *Raises eyebrows up and down.*
Read more “Kraken Of The Sea Hooded Scarf”
Thanks for inviting me over for coffee. What’s this?
That’s my new Ouija Board Coffee Table. Let’s ask it a question.
Cool. I’ll start? Are there any spirits in the house?
*Grabs a bottle of Jim Beam and smashes it against his head.*
There’s your f**king spirits! What are you crazy? I hate ghosts.
Enjoy this tutorial on how to make a Sexy Burger King Halloween Black Whopper Poop Costume. Because, you know, it’s not enough that the burger turned your poop a neon green shade of nuclear waste. You might as well dress up as that glowing green streamer and go collect candy this Halloween.
I don’t know. I think they kinda skimped on this costume. I’d like both an option with nuts and one with corn. Just to be as authentic as possible. Maybe a mini-turd version for the kids.
Doc! Why is my poop green? Is it because of the Burger king Black Whopper?
No, it’s because I asked for that stool sample a month ago. One month ago you dropped the log, but you didn’t get it to the lumber yard until now. Now it’s all moldy. You disgust me.
I’m pretty sure these Fantasy Creatures from Sweetsign would bite my hand off if I tried to pet them. So I’ll probably never ever touch them. I’ll just throw bed crumbs at them, until I have a huge mound of moldy bread in front of the shelf that they are occupying. Then I still won’t feel safe. And I’ll have bugs. Which they will probably love. They’ll come off of the shelf, eat a few bread bugs, then go back to displaying themselves. Then they’ll demand more bugs. Which takes more moldy bread….
What I’m trying to say is, this is why my house is a pigsty. You think I like living like this? I got freaky little creatures to feed! I used this same line on my wife when we first started dating. Sucker! *Runs around the room like a Tasmanian Dirt Devil, stirring up a filth tornado and laughing maniacally.* I’ll never be clean. NEVER!
Read more “Fantasy Creatures From Another Dimension”