Pee Wee Herman Winking Eye Shoulder Bag

winking eye bag
Looks like Pee Wee Herman is endorsing fashion accessories now. Like this Winking Shoulder Bag. Hey, I think your bag has something in it’s eye. It keeps winking at me.

If Big Brother or the Illuminati had spying fashion accessories, this is basically what it would look like. It would be all like, “Yeah I just saw you tear up that parking ticket.” And then a bunch of drones would come and carry you off to prison. Is that the life you want Pee Wee?
Read more “Pee Wee Herman Winking Eye Shoulder Bag”

Men’s Hairy Belly Ugly Christmas Sweater T-Shirt

fat hairy guy in ugly christmas sweater shirt
Why go through the trouble of shopping for an actual Christmas sweater when you can buy this one? Besides, who wants a festive Christmas sweater full of reindeer and trees and Santas, when you can have one that makes you look like a fat hairy guy who just woke up from a weekend bender and has to get to their Santa job at the mall? It even has a bit of mistletoe above the belt buckle area.
Read more “Men’s Hairy Belly Ugly Christmas Sweater T-Shirt”

LEGO Strip Club

lego strip club
LEGO sets have changed since I was a kid. This custom LEGO strip club has it all for $275. A DJ, a greasy looking Chip N’ Dale looking Male stripper in bow tie and two female strippers with wads of cash everywhere.

What’s next? A LEGO crackhouse? I could never play with this set. I would be too busy throwing tiny plastic money as I twirled that stripper around the pole, then cleaning it up and taking it in the back room to count it up. I would also be spraying windex constantly and wiping everything down. Hey, if I built it, I’m technically the proprietor. Gotta take care of business. You girls get back to work or you’ll be working the Duplo club down the street!
Read more “LEGO Strip Club”

Christmas Presents Opening Children Poster

Creepy Christmas
Every year it’s the same thing. Kids waking up on Christmas morning to tear the gift wrapping to shreds, to get at their presents. How do you think those presents feel? They are bound by ribbon, wrapped up tight with bright colored wrap and held hostage under the tree until your grimy-fingered rugrats appear at the break of dawn one morning and slice them to pieces!

Well, now the tables are turned. This year, the presents will be opening the kids! I love how even though you can’t see what’s in little Susie’s torso, the boy present is just yanking a firetruck out of little Bobby. Serves him right. Bobby was a whiny greedy brat! And look at all of the children under the tree that they still have to open.

Land Line Lighting: Rotary Telephone Table Lamp

phone light

This old rotary phone may take forever to dial a number, but as a lamp it works instantly. It’s the ultimate in land line lighting.

I have one myself and I like it a lot. Thing is, every time I answer the phone I burn the hell out of my ear and mouth area. So I have trouble talking and I can hear about as well as a 90 year old at an AC/DC concert. People are starting to ask if I have a learning disability. No. I jus hath a cool lump in ma fone. It makes shaving really easy though. When I answer the phone I just rub it around my face for a clean shave before saying Haw-whoa.