Wanna be a slow and slimy warrior princess? Just wear the Snail Shell Helmet. Weird antenna things not included. You wear this and you’ll become a shell of your former self. Also, they’ll send it to you via snail mail. I do love this helmet though. They totally snailed it! You better make a snail trail to this helmet now before it’s gone- Oh wait. I turned my head and it barely moved an inch. Yeah, forget what I said. You have time.
Tag: odd
Zombie Gnombie Statue
This Zombie Gnombie Statue is all undead and rising from the dirt. He gets bonus points for having stigmata marks on his hands. What up my homie from another gnomie? You just gonna stay silent wit yo zombie self? Aight, be like dat Aber-gnombie and bi*ch!
Why you crawling all up in my yard anyway? *Steps on his head and pushes him back down* Dat’s what it is. This ain’t no halfway house for horror gnomes. Pop up in somebody else’s yard else I’mma have to play whack-a-gnome! Ya get me? Aight! Peace! Don’t be leaving no gopher trails in my grass now!
Octopus Tentacles And Dragonscale Mugs
These cool Octopus Tentacles And Dragonscale Mugs from CogsnCords look great. Let’s you and me get them and we can bump uglies. By uglies I mean tentacles. And dragonscales.
I hope those tentacles don’t reach back in the mug and drink my beer all up, but I wouldn’t mind if they tickled my mustache and under my chin while I’m taking a long swig. The dragonscales won’t be any trouble. Let’s you pet a dragon while you are getting drunk. I guess you’re draining the dragon as you drink up too. These mugs are awesome.
Read more “Octopus Tentacles And Dragonscale Mugs”
Frankenstein Skull With Light Up Eyes
This Frankenstein Skull With Light Up Eyes will watch you like one of those paintings where the eyes seem to move. Stop looking at me Franky! The eyes can be any color LED lights you want. Trust me, it doesn’t matter what color you choose, it’s all gonna look creepy. I want to ask you something Dr. Frankenstein. Were those bolts on the side of the head really necessary? Are they holding up the foundation? Connected to load-bearing muscle mass or something? I really think you could have found an alternative to just using huge ass bolts. But what do I know? I don’t make monsters. I just marry them.
What? You thought that was a crack about my wife? I’ll have you know, I am an ordained minister and I work in Transylvania.
Read more “Frankenstein Skull With Light Up Eyes”
WTF… GOAT STORY Mug
What kind of half-baked hipster mysticism is this? The “Goat Story Mug” is a horn-shaped vessel like the vikings would have drank from,… If Vikings were wusses that could only conquer goats. You are supposed to drink coffee out of it. Maybe to pretend you have slain a goat in between your artisanal lunch and the daily upkeep of your man-bun. I have no idea. It has no handle.You can’t even set it on your desk. Instead you’re supposed to carry it with some kind of feminine wrist strap or purse strap attachment. So what the hell is the goat story? Don’t trust a hipster? Tell us something we don’t know. Here’s my goat story:
Once upon a time people had coffee cups. Like female CB using truck drivers, they had a handle and a flat bottom. Everyone was happy as they drank from this amazing creation. And we don’t need no stinking goat horn mugs! The end.