This Black Octopus Purse is the ultimate accessor-sea. It has enough tentacles to hold all of your stuff and never let go. Best of all it won’t spit ink in your face whenever you go to get your lipstick. Put a padlock on it and ya got a lock-topus. Store your frock inside and ya got a frock-topus. The possibilities are endless as the sea. You’ll love that you can high five it’s mighty tentacles.
Octopi are pretty smart creatures. It might even hand you the stuff you need. Pretty cool.
This Mutant Sea Creature Vase is all kinds of ugly. In a good way. Everything under the sea is ugly. Just a bunch of creatures all swimming under the sea, bumping uglies. If you ever visit an Octopus’ garden and steal some flowers, put them in this vase. If I’m honest, it looks like a big open scab that’s bubbling after you put the hydrogen peroxide on. Except it doesn’t collect all that lint around the edges when you leave it uncovered. You know what I’m talking about.
I wonder if all of the sea creatures will evolve into floating scabs. How would we ever resist picking them? We have over-fished the seas, it’s only natural we over-pick it’s scabs. This has been another addition of Deep thoughts. With me.
Mini Roadkill. It’s like life-sized roadkill, only less messy, with less stink and decomposing. This Mini Roadkill Raccoon will make a great accent piece for your desk, table, shelf, wherever you need a small animal with tire tracks across it’s flattened body. Do you think his name is Stanley? As in flat Stanley? Speaking of that dude, maybe you can mail this guy back and forth across the world, as a reminder to look when you drive. I’m just spit-balling ideas.
I have no idea what to do with a flattened Raccoon. Put it on your Christmas tree behind an elf on a cycle, so it looks like he’s leaving the scene of an accident. Or maybe it was no accident. Elves are demented like that.
Some people in Ohio are getting all bothered about this guy’s Zombie Nativity scene. What’s wrong with celebrating the holiday with baby zombie Jesus? It’s not like the kid bit anyone yet. Still, I know how they feel. 8 days left until Star Wars: The Force Awakens! Woo-Hoo! Which is how I got in trouble for expressing my right to free speech too. Neighbors don’t like a fat guy in the front yard, made up to look like Jabba The Hutt, with a kitty in Slave Leia outfit chained to him. Damn, that kitty can choke ya too. Strong little bugger. I usually pass out once a night with that chain around my neck.
Seriously people, chill. If anyone has a problem with this nativity scene, or my celebration of Star Wars, you can go suck an egg. I always wanted to say that. Has anyone actually ever sucked an egg? Not me. I’m no egg-sucker, you mother-trucker, just ask my buddy Mark Zucker-nerd.
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It takes guts to wear this Zombie Babe Corset. Hey girl, your insides is on your outside. Wanna talk about it? C’mon spill your guts. Oh… Sorry. That was insensitive of me. Where ya going? I can ex-spleen. Damnit! I didn’t mean that. Look, I was just ribbing you. It wasn’t my intestines to make you mad. I really do admire your intestinal fortitude. Oh c’mon. How can I look at this corset and not have this stuff on my mind? It looks pretty. Really it does.
What do you mean you can’t stomach me anymore? Hey! How come you get to say that stuff and I don’t?