Tag: strange

Jewelry With Coffin Shaped Gemstones

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Jewelry With Coffin Shaped Gemstones
Etsy seller MordauntesCoffinGems sells all kinds of Jewelry With Coffin Shaped Gemstones. They are dead pretty! So pretty that you will want to bury them in your jewelry box. Fun fact: I want to be buried while suspended within a coffin shaped piece of amber, so future generations of humans that look like aliens can dig me up and bring me back to life by using my DNA. Which also stands for Do Not Aggravate me. I hope they don’t piss me off. They’ll create a whole park where I can roam and where visitors can watch me in my habitat. Yay! Jurassic Me!

But you know they’re just gonna do something to tick me off. Then I’ll have to run wild on all of the evolved alien folk. Those are gonna be some sweet times!

Human Anatomy Tumblers

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Human Anatomy Tumblers
I’ll tumble for ya. I’ll tumble for ya. I’ll tumble for you! Get out of my head Boy George! Anyway, these Human Anatomy Tumblers will teach you all about the grossness that is the human body as you sip your morning coffee, which is laced with bourbon to get you through the day. What? That’s just me? Okay, cool. One is all about the body and the other is all about the brain. Both are about being filled with liquid. Much like my bladder. So if you will excuse me I have to-

There’s no excuse for you.

Hey, shut up stupid neighbor kid yelling through my window. I’m blogging here.

So shut your blog-hole and stop blogging out loud! *Shows kid these anatomy cups. Kid runs away crying.* Mom, the creepy guy grossed me out again!
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Full Gothic Tarot Card Set

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Full Gothic Tarot Card Set
This is one beautiful Full Gothic Tarot Card Set that you can download and print out. Then you can open your own tarot card reading shop and I’ll drop by to be your first customer. Spoiler alert: The fool card is gonna come out and then you and I are gonna argue over which one of us it is.

Well, I don’t know, who’s the more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him? I don’t have time for this foolishness. Oh yeah? Well make time cuz I booked a full reading! You mean you booked a fool reading! Yeah, that’s what I said- Why you-

Why do tarot card reading always end this way for me?

Custom Coffin Doll Carriage / Wet Bar

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Custom Coffin Doll Carriage Wet Bar
This Custom Coffin Doll Carriage / Wet Bar can be used for either thing. It can also be used for a real baby. I’m just guessing here, cuz no woman has bothered to have one with me. I see no reason why you can’t take your little monster out for a stroll in this thing and also have some room for your drinks on board. Imagine the concerned looks from other parents and the concerned calls to child services.

How many times do I have to tell you people that the kid is just sleeping? Great, now you woke him up? Do YOU wanna change his diaper. Maybe then you’ll believe me that he is alive. That ain’t embalming fluid! That’s grade A human baby s**t. Leave my baby and I alone and stop persecuting me for mylove of coffin shaped accessories!

Alien Facehugger Mask And Sweater

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Alien Facehugger Mask And Sweater
You know what day it is? Alien Day. The day we celebrate the classic sci-fi horror movie and one of the things that made me such a terrified and awkward child. It gave us Xenomorphs and Facehuggers and Sigourney Weaver in her undies. Anyway, to celebrate the anniversary, Mondo is selling a bunch of cool Alien stuff today. Our favorites are the Alien Sweater and the Facehugger Ski Mask.

The sweater looks pretty awesome, but that mask scares the hell out of me. I feel like I’m being robbed by a Facehugger wearing assailant every time I look at that pic. That is some scary shizz right there. It’s like man and facehugger have merged.
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