Tag: strange

Amazingly Creepy Clutch Bags

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Amazingly Creepy Clutch Bags
Looking for a new clutch ladies? If so, can I interest you in these Amazingly Creepy Clutch Bags? By the way, if you’re looking for a Klutz, I just spilled my drink all over the counter and dropped M and M’s all over the place. Better get me while I’m still single. *Winks* These clutch bags are all so spooky and creepy, I thought I heard a witch cackle and the bubbling of a cauldron. But that was probably the crazy cat lady that lives next door. Great she’s watching a comedy and cooking a pot of chili. Again. The walls here are paper thin. Better get the gas mask since we also share a vent.

These clutch bags all have fun and spooky designs like bats, spiders and cemeteries.
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Scary Skull Cup With Bone Jointed Handle

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Scary Skull Cup With Bone Jointed Handle
I can’t wait to have a beer in this Scary Skull Cup With Bone Jointed Handle. The bone handle is jointed… For your pleasure. I don’t even know what that means. I’m operating on the left side of a Twix bar and two red bulls. What happened to the right side of the Twix bar? Both sides are right. And if one side is wrong I don’t wanna be right. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, this cool skull cup is my new drinking vessel of choice. BRING ME A SKULL FULL OF insert name of some kind of tough liquor that I should be manly enough to drink, but will make me cough and gag.

C’mon, let’s get drunk and slam our skulls together. THUNK! Ow!!!! I meant skull cups. Not my brain casing you stupid- What was I saying? WHO ATE MY LEFT TWIX? I only have the one. Or did I lose the left and I have the right? Why do they give you two? One would be much better for my OCD. I can’t eat it now, even if I could find it. See what you did! Wait. What are the signs of concussion? And where am I?

Creepy Glowing Alien Visitor Pendant

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Creepy Glowing Alien Visitor Pendant
This Alien Visitor Pendant reminds me of those alien lizards from “V” who pretended to be human with fake skin and stuff. It’s cool, we unmasked them on live TV and exposed them. Go take somebody else’s water and use other humans for food you crazy space geckos. Is it just me or does this guy look pissed off? He’s pretty butt-hurt, which is funny considering all the probing they do to humans. It’s about time you got some of your own.

Also, check out how cool this thing looks when it glows. He’s revealing his natural green color. Of course I guess that could be the afterglow from alien sex.

UFO’s in flight…Afternoon delight!

Unless he’s just green with envy, cuz everybody else is gettin’ some. I feel ya dog. Fist bump me. Sorry, forgot you were just a head. *Hits a knuckle to your forehead.* Intergalactic women. Who needs em? Alien bros before hos am I right? Oh, stop being grumpy. See, this is why the ladies don’t dig ya.
Creepy Glowing Alien Visitor Pendant

Black Widow Spider Glasses

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Black Widow Spider Glasses
Widows are the worst, all sex starved and groping you all the time cuz you’re a man and they need some sweet lovin’, but enough about my short career as a gigolo at a retirement community. These Black Widow Spider Glasses reminded me how grabby those blue haired ladies were.

These glasses are bad-ass, showing the deadly black widow in several poses like it’s a sexy spider calendar or something. I don’t blame male spiders for falling for the black widow’s tricks. I mean, ya see an hour glass on their back, you just figure it’s a tramp stamp. You figure it means she’s up for about an hour of fun and that’s it. Hell, that’s 59 minutes and 30 seconds more than I need.

But no, it means death. *Sad face*

Spider Coasters Make You Want To Slam Your Glass Down Hard

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Spider Coasters Make You Want To Slam Your Glass Down Hard
ACK! Kill it! *Slams glass down on the spider, sending grape soda everywhere, mostly in my face!* Oh Jesus! *Puts hand to chest to steady my heart.* Why did I think that spider coasters were a good idea?

*Looks down at my glass.* ACK! Spider in my drink! *Throws glass against the wall where it shatters.* Thank god! *Looks where the glass used to be, Sees spider coaster.* ACK! It was under my drink! *Runs to the fridge, gets another glass, fills it with beer, runs back, slams glass on spider, screams because the spider is still there. Breaks down sobbing.* Why? Why? Why?