Tag: strange

Viagra Neck Tie Surprisingly Hangs Limp From Your Neck

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Viagra Neck Tie Surprisingly Hangs Limp From Your Neck
This Viagra Neck Tie let’s the entire world know about your erectile dysfunction. Your pee-pee may not work properly, but that doesn’t mean you can’t dress smart. This tie lets other men know that you are not a threat to their woman. It lets women know that you are about as much of a threat to them as a wet noodle. Or do I have that backwards? I guess it tells people that you can shag for hours and that you are always up for some naughty fun time.

This tie is not for everyone. Side effects may include: Tie suddenly going upright and stiff in your face.

Zombie Nesting Dolls: The Nesting Dead

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Zombie Nesting Dolls The Nesting Dead
I have a question about these Zombie Nesting Dolls. Okay, if one zombie is inside of another, that’s sex right? One zombie is inside of another. Gotta be sex. Okay, now if a bunch of zombies are all inside of each other, does this constitute a zombie G-bang? It’s been bothering me since I saw these guys. By the way, G-Bang is my gang name. Shout out to my homies on the upper east side! What up Pedro and Johnny Suckerpunch!

Anyhow, these zombies are all up in each others business, looking undead, nesting in and out of each other. You got zombie dad, zombie mom, zombie snot-nosed teen and little zombie sister, plus baby zombie.
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Varnished Cotton Briefs: Mom’s E.R. Nightmare

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Varnished Cotton Briefs Mom's E.R. Nightmare
When I first saw these Varnished Cotton Briefs, I thought someone had been going through my drawers. Hey, don’t judge. I had an accident at the chocolate factory. The factory was my butt. All of the employees are now laid off. I couldn’t afford all of them working overtime and getting triple pay on taco night. By them I mean the magic gremlins that live in my colon.

This decorative pair of underwear is the crustiest, the most vile, the dirtiest pair of nad covers I have ever seen. Them is some crusty crack coveralls. Seriously, it has real crust. And not the good stuffed crust kind. What is that stuff? This nasty specimen is based on that old gem that mom’s always throw at you before you leave the house. “You better put on clean underwear in case you get into an accident.” Good advice, cuz if you show up at the E.R. wearing these, the CDC is getting involved and whole towns will get shut down. I don’t blame them at all.

This sellers mom never bothered telling them to put on clean underwear. Apparently their mom just tells them to varnish it and put it on Etsy.

Weird 3rd Eye Baby

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Weird 3rd Eye Baby
This thing is called 3rd Eye Baby. I call it terrifying and nightmare inducing. It’s a baby trapped in a frame, with a 3rd eye. Coincidentally, this looks like what I see in the mirror after I wake up with a red M & M stuck to my forehead. It happens more than you might think.

Hey baby, who’s your favorite band? *Stabs it in the 3rd eye with a fork.* Is it Third Eye Blind? Hahhaha. That joke cracks me up every time. You okay baby? Ever been convicted of a felony? Oh, I see. You were framed. Hahahahahha. Babies are such easy marks. Hey baby-

Wait what?

Damnit! I was looking in the mirror this whole time. Oh sweet a red M & M! nom nom nom.

Adult Sized Ostrich Hop Ball

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Adult Sized Ostrich Hop Ball
Sweet! An Adult Sized Ostrich Hop Ball. I’ll finally be able to ostrich-size myself before others can do it to me. And check out that graphic down below! It’s totally safe compared to riding a real Ostrich. That’s cool, cuz I do NOT want to go through that again. I’m gonna hop my ostrich all over town, make it stick it’s head in the sand, then get into some hardcore ostrich jousting at that illegal ostrich jousting place down the street. Make it shake it’s tail feathers. Make it try to fly hang glider style. Give it a ostrich tattoo. Play Poker with it into the wee hours of the morning.

Just me and my ostrich, hopping all over the place. Here comes Peter ostrich tail, hoppin’ down the ostrich trail, hippity hoppity, ostrich is on the way…

It’s adult size so my enjoyment and use of it for transport is perfectly acceptable. You don’t need a license to ride a bird that can’t fly. That you hop on. You don’t right? I don’t think you do.
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