Tag: supernatural

The Goat Man vs The Chupacabra Salt And Pepper Shakers

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The Goat Man vs The Chupacabra Salt And Pepper Shakers
Ladies and gentlemen, the match you have been waiting for. No, not my butt, your face! The Goat Man vs The Chupacabra. It’s the goat vs the goat sucker. The South American sucker vs the horned half-man. Fight! Oh no. The Goat Man has left the ring and is eating all the trash. What’s this? The Chupacabra has jumped off the top rope and clothes lined the Goat Man. The Chupacabra is doing all it can to suck the blood from the Goatman, but all the goatman wants to do is eat the arena garbage…

Make every meal an episode of In Search of… Or sightings, or Ancient Aliens or whatevs. You determine who is salt and who is pepper. These crazy cryptids want to spice up your life.

Plush Loch Ness Monster: I Saw It! I Saw It!

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Plush Loch Ness Monster I Saw It! I Saw It!
Oh Nessie, you’re so fine. You’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Nessie. Hey Nessie. He’s plush. He’s supernatural. Even Leonard Nimoy was in search of him. I’m talking about Nessie. The Loch Ness Monster. Here he is in Plush Loch Ness Monster form. You’ve just had a sighting! Better report that shizz and share your blurry pic. Yeah, looks like a log with fins to me. You can take a pic of your crummy breakfast for instagram, but you can’t photograph a majestic and mythic beast huh? Whatevs.

Oh Nessie, what a pity you don’t understand
You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand
Oh Nessie, you’re so pretty, can’t you understand
It’s plush like you Nessie
Oh, what you do Nessie, do Nessie
Don’t break my heart, Nessie.

Fun Fact: Nessie has a wife named bessie and likes to swim with his daughter Jesse. Can we spot them? Lesee… Damn, I should be a children’s writer. That’s where my skill level is anyway. I so rock the market of the under-developed mind. Takes one to know one.
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Make Every Drink A Monster Drink With These Monster Glasses

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Make Every Drink A Monster Drink With These Monster Glasses
All the kids are slamming Monster drinks, so I figured I would too. Gonna order these awesome Monster Glasses and see if they give me energy too. Plus, I’ll never forget which glass is mine. I’m Chupacabra all the way baby! Sometimes I feel like a Kraken too so I’m covered. I’ll save the Loch Ness monster for friends since it’s a rare occasion that any show up and when they do, I have no proof.

Bigfoot? I’ll fill that up and leave it on the back porch for the neighborhood Sasquatch. That way he can stop drinking from the hose when we’re not looking.

The Adventurer’s Guide to the Skeletons of Mythical Creatures

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Adventurer’s Guide to Skeletons of Mythical Creatures
When you’re an adventurer like me, you encounter a lot of mythical creatures. Especially at the Walmart. There’s woman with her crack showing creature, man with back-boobs creature and the ever elusive woman with quadruple butts bursting out leggings creature.

The point is, the world is a strange place. You can identify some of these specimens with The Adventurer’s Guide to the Skeletons of Mythical Creatures book. Like the Chupacabra, which I also saw at my local Walmart once. It was riding one of those motorized carts with a buttcheek hanging down each side of the seat.
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Mythical Creature and Cryptid Skeleton Identification Chart

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Mythical Creature and Cryptid Skeleton Identification Chart
We’ve featured MythicArticulations’ work before when we showed you their creatures in a can, and now they have this Mythical Creature and Cryptid Skeleton Identification Chart. It’s perfect for identifying that creature that you just encountered. Maybe you were relieving yourself in the forest, because you know, nature calls, and your junk got bit by a strange creature.

Well, now you can consult the chart and know that it was a Chupacabra. But that still doesn’t tell you if you need any rabies shots or if the thing laid eggs in you and is going to turn you into a mutant freak. It also doesn’t tell you how to make the swelling go down. Or explain why your junk now has the urge to find a sheep and drink it’s blood. It also doesn’t help you when the farmer catches you with both your junk and a sheep in the middle of a field in broad daylight. Start with, “I can explain”.
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