Tag: taxidermy

Dead Mouse In A Guitar Case

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dead mouse in miniature guitar case
Oh look, it’s a dead mouse in a mini guitar case. If you click through and scroll down below, you’ll see the mother (Sold separately) who is actually holding a guitar. She looks like she’s busking and when she gets enough change in her hat, the kid mouse will probably resurrect. Then they’ll take their little show to another street.

Never trust a busker. I just walk by a whole line of them with my iPhone app. It plays the sounds of change landing in a hat, cup or guitar case, so I don’t actually have to do it. Hey, I didn’t ask for the free concert! You don’t like it get a tour manager!
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Mounted Taxidermy Dragon Head

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taxidermy dragon head
What? This awesome Mounted Taxidermy Dragon Head costs $1,499.? Like Stevie Nicks said, “Stop dragon my heart around!” Puff the magic dragon may have lived by the sea, but he died by my hand. At least, that’s what I’m gonna tell people when they see this sweet head mounted on my wall.

Did you really kill that thing?

Yep. Killed it with kindness.

Huh?

*Shows off my caveman club with the word “kindness” carved in the handle.* Yeah, he was all like, “I can see you have a kindness. Jump on my back and we shall be friends, adventuring to far off lands.” I just climbed up and whacked him real good until my arm was tired. Good thing I’m good at whacking things.

Mr. T Taxidermy Mouse: B.A. Ba-Rat-Cus

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mr t rat
Whatch you want fool? This is the Mr. T Mouse. The T stands for Taxidermy fool! I pity the fool who takes a picture of me against their buttcheek!

In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.

Da da da da! Da da da!

You know how they have to drug Mr. T to get him on planes? Yeah, that’s probably what they had to do to this poor mouse to give him a makeover. Man, I just wish the seller had the entire A-Team so I could annoy Mr. T mouse with Murdock mouse and put them all in the A-Team van!

Yeti And Werewolf Faux Taxidermy

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Yeti and Werewolf Taxidermy
These Yeti and Werewolf heads are awesome. Why do I need a Yeti or a Werewolf head on my wall, looking like they tried to bust into my room like the Kool-Aid man, but got stuck when their fat heads came through? I just do. With a Yeti head on my wall I can have a Yeti sighting anytime I want. I’ll even go the extra mile and call it in to one of these Yeti sighting hotlines.

“Did you see a Yeti?”
Mocks her tone. Did you see a yeti? Yes. Yes I did.
“Where did you see it sir?”
In my livingroom. It’s looking at me right now.
“Are you in danger sir?”
Me? Pffft. I’m just chillin’ with a beer.
“Sir. You really should take this seriously. You are clogging up the lines for people who are really in danger.”
Whatevs. They don’t exist no how! Thanks for the drunk dialing adventure. Click.

Later that night… *Strange grinding noise is shaking the whole house. Sounds like some weird breathy electric saw too. Turns on the light to see an actual Yeti dry humping and having it’s way with my monster head.*
Oh, Hell no! Bad Yeti. Swats it with a rolled up newspaper. It runs away, darting out a window and leaving my now defiled monster head on the floor.

What the s**t! I guess they do exist!
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Life-Size Needle Felted Two Headed Hatchling Faux Taxidermy

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two headed baby bird faux taxidermy
Ah, the miracle of life. Make that mutation. This Life-Size Needle Felted Two Headed Hatchling should serve all of your felted fowl decorative needs. Basically what we are talking about here is a felted bird fetus. With two heads. Big deal. I create these things all the time when I microwave my Easter Peeps.

Although mine don’t look like they fell out of an egg while doing the nasty. I know they’re conjoined and all, but that big guy in back looks like he is really going to town on that other one. What can a small head do, but lay there and take it? Poor guy. It’ll be over soon. Then big head will just do it again. And again. For your whole felted life. Nature can be so cruel.