Here ya go little Timmy. Take these alien crayons and draw a nice picture for the psychologist, so you can show him what the alien who abducted you looks like. *Looks at the drawing.* Are you sure this is accurate Timmy? Good. *Looks at drawing. Looks at psychologist. Looks back at drawing. Back at psychologist.*
It was you all along Doc! I should have known by your name, Edstra Trey Estreal! And your gray complexion!
I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those meddling crayons! *Rips his fake human skin off and hops on the wall like Spider-man, before crashing through the window and escaping.*
ProgressiveProducts makes these cool UFO ring boxes so you can present the ring and propose the right way! The right way being nerdy as hell with a hint of X-Files. But they also sell cute little aliens that fit right into the cockpit of these UFOs. These are some classy and out of this world desk toys or decorations.
This Roswell Alien Refrigerator Magnet will be a great dietary tool for me, cuz everytime I go in the fridge for a snack, I’ll be reminded that aliens probe human butts. And I don’t want any of that bizz.
You know what, I really want some ice cream. Oh no! Not the alien head again. Their version of Double Fudge Delight is not the same as mine. And it involves a cold table and weird alien tools. Yeah, I’ll just go hungry.
Guys! Miniature Alien Babies and Spaceships are invading! It’s like a friggin’ alien day care up in this biznitch. They’re all attacking in their toddler spaceships, and with their tentacled, freaky faces. First they’ll probe us up our wazoos, then they’ll steal all of our resources. Probably use us for free babysitting and pay us like crap! Well, I don’t want none of that. I say we shoot ’em out of the sky so there’s diapers and pacifiers flying everywhere. Read more “Miniature Alien Babies and Spaceships”
I have no idea who Jerry Wells is. Maybe he’s the one who lives in the haunted house that looks like a double-wide trailer. Maybe he’s the neighbor that shows up to help them with their paranormal troubles. I have no clue. But this is his Youtube channel. Basically, a bunch of freaky stuff happens to this family of… (Be politically correct. Be politically correct…) crimson-necked Nascar attendees. They have some serious poltergeist activity that no doubt forces them to miss out on things like Walmart sales and buying Dale Earnhardt merch on QVC. Cuz this stuff is some dramatic activity. And it moves with them from place to place.
The first video starts off with papa bear enjoying a smoke and a mountain dew on his EZ chair, just chillin’ in front of his confederate flag drapery. Pretty soon, all hell breaks loose. And by hell, I mean bad acting. Here’s the first line of dialogue: “I’m so glad we went out and got this new camcorder…” Yeah. seems legit. It’s worth watching it all the way through. It’s like the Beverly Hillbillies lost all of their money and got ghost-rich up in this crib.
The ghost starts to mess with the piano at one point, but I’m guessing it was just a gerbil they stuck in there. Make your own follow up joke. At one point the dude reaches in the kitchen cabinet (Which is full of their best china…Red party cups) and grabs a plastic red party cup. Dude pours his coffee in, pops it in the microwave and wonders why the ghost messed with the microwave. This stuff is para-not-normal gold.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlEFd6Maogg
Click through for another vid of a kid’s birthday party where a ghost destroys the kitchen. Here are some highlights:
Kids are happy, despite the genetic chutes and ladders game taking place in that room. Candles are getting lit. They start singing happy birthday. Candles get blown out. Then at the 1:00 mark shizz gets real! Read more “NSFW The Paranormal Life and Times Of Jerry Wells”
