Tag: the truth is out there

Inflatable Crashed UFO

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Inflatable Crashed UFO
What the deuce? That’s no weather balloon! Also not swamp gas! You put this Inflatable Crashed UFO in your yard and the military is gonna show up and start silencing witnesses. They don’t want you to know that inflatable aliens exist. They also want to reverse engineer inflatable UFOs and steal their superior inflatable UFO technology.

Why do you think our pool toys got so much better? Why do you think our love dolls are so irresistible? With such full lips and soft skin. So realistic… Just guessing about that last one.

And I don’t need no Men in Black showing up. I already know. I didn’t see nothing and nothing happened here. Consider my mind like my butt. Wiped.

UFO Art Pottery – The Truth Is Out There

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UFO Art Pottery
Man, there’s just not enough alien/UFO art pottery. Thank Xenu that CommonGroundPottery is making weird and cool UFO stuff for your home. They look like stuff that an archaeologist dug up, while proving that we have been visited before. In fact, I dare somebody to prove that we have not been visited before. I’ve been visited by the cable guy, a UPS driver, a Jehovah’s Witness, and some kid selling candy bars for his school. And that was just this week. So yeah! Case proven!

I love the saucer shaped pieces that show the pilots in the cockpit. *Giggles* I said cockpit. If you have two aliens in a cockpit, I guess you know what that makes them. Two c**ks in a cockpit. Why do you think they call it that? That’s where c**ks go. Just being honest. I hope they don’t have a sword fight in there. I’m concerned cuz it’s a small area,with delicate equipment.
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Alien Coasters Abduct Stains From Your Surfaces

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Alien Coasters Abduct Stains From Your Surfaces
The truth is out there. No, really. Everyone knows. And the truth is that your counters and surfaces are nasty. Is that a pool of bright neon glue on your table or year old Mountain Dew? Also, there appears to be a fly stuck in amber on your coffee table. That amber looks a lot like spilled-beer build-up.

Anyhow, ya gotta love that title I put on this post. Alien Coasters Abduct Stains From Your Surfaces. Do I mean furniture or the surfaces of my body, since I just spilled soda all over my shirt? I have no idea. Basically a monkey could run this blog and sometimes he does when I’m passed out in front of the TV with a mouthful of Cheetos and Netflix asking if I’m still watching. Is he any good? Depends. I mean he needs some. He’s really good at leaving s**t in my chair and drawing on my face with sharpie. But he does use a coaster.

UFO Lamp: Unidentified Flying Objet D’art

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UFO Lamp Unidentified Flying Objet D'art
This UFO lamp is out of this world! My only complaint is that there’s no cow tumbling up into the light beam, mooing and running in place. Meh. You can’t have everything. When it’s plugged in it gives off a blue light and when its unplugged, the abduction beam glows green. Just like a real spaceship. So I’ve heard. I don’t have any firsthand experience with abduction beams. Fun fact: First I typed “abduction beans”. It made me giggle. That is all.

So anyway, I’m thinking you get some Men In Black figures, a cow or two, some little alien figures, Mulder and Scully, and you have yourself an awesome playset as well as a lamp. Never seen a UFO, but I have seen an OFU which is UFO spelled backwards. That would be my “Obese F**king Uncle”. Damn that guy can eat. He doesn’t eat spare ribs. Just ribs. Cuz when he eats, he doesn’t have any to spare. All goes in his mouth you see. He doesn’t “put it away” because there’s nothing left to put away. We love him. We just eat at separate tables. In separate restaurants. In separate towns. He’s kinda like a black hole. Gotta stay away from the event horizon.

Altered Alien Figurines

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Altered Alien Figurines
We’ve featured FindersCreepers work before. She likes to do naughty things to vintage figurines. The truth is out there and now it is on your knick-Knack shelf. At least until some Man In Black comes and steals it, tells you you never saw it, it was never there, you were mistaken, there is no such thing as Altered Alien Figurines. Screw you MIB. I know what I saw! Great, now there’s an empty spot on my shelf where there’s no dust. Also that MIB left his dark glasses. Let’s check them out.

*Puts glasses on. Sees the words CONSUME, OBEY and SLEEP all over the place.* Pfft! Tell me something I don’t know. *Tosses glasses.*
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