Tag: ugly

Zombie and Ugly Face Mugs

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Zombie and Ugly Face Mugs
MakingFacesPottery not only makes weird faces while making pottery, they also occasionally make fugly face mugs, like I did in grade school. Their’s are much better. These Zombie and Ugly Face Mugs have faces that only a mother can love. A mother hopped up on acid, who sticks her head in the oven after getting a good look at the kid! The shop has freaky creatures, zombies, fugly things that defy naming and other monstrosity mugs that will scare the black off your coffee and make the sugar jump from your tea.

*Random audience reaction.* That’s not politically correct! You should be nicer!

*Looks at dude’s avatar.* You should be on a mug. Burn! That’s why ya don’t mess with me. You ugly. You ugly. Yo mama says you ugly!

I don’t have an avatar!

Hmmm. Um. The burn is on me then. That was actually my reflection. U-G-L-Y, I’m the one with no alibi. You have won this round sir! But ugly never gives up, so I will be back and uglier than ever. Right now I have to see someone about marketing a mug in my image. Actually I think that second image really captures my twisted and freakish essence. Almost.
Read more “Zombie and Ugly Face Mugs”

Deck The Halls With Ugly Christmas Ornaments

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Ugly Christmas Ornaments
Damn son, you gots some ugly Christmas ornaments. SoUglyitsCuteCrafts has all kinds of ugly Christmas ornaments to ugly up your Christmas tree. Normally, I just throw my own turkey leg on the tree, but now I don’t have to. There’s also an ugly pickle, ugly Santa hats and ugly poop. Why spend all day beating your tree with an ugly stick when you can just buy these ornaments. The ugly stick takes a while to work. Trust me on that one.

In my case it took 9 months in the womb. But that ugly stick may have just been my dad still doing the nasty after mom was pregnant. Whatever it was, it was scary. Left me ugly too. No wonder I’m so messed up. Thanks dad.

You ornaments are nasty. U-G-L-Y You ain’t got no alibi, You ugly. You ugly.
Read more “Deck The Halls With Ugly Christmas Ornaments”

Ugly Christmas Sweater Onesie: The Abominable Snowman

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Ugly Christmas Sweater Onsie
Awesome. I can finally get that Abominable Snowman Christmas Sweater Onesie I’ve always wanted. I mean aside from my birthday suit, which is a mass of furry grey hair. People were always mistaking me for the abominable snowman at that nudist colony I got kicked out of. It didn’t help that I would jump out of the bushes, growl, and steal food. Then the internet arrived and I no longer had to join clubs like that to see nudity. I love you internet. *Hugs my computer and gives it a little kiss.*

Yeah, this thing is white and furry and full of ornaments. Just like my grandma’s head after the Christmas tree fell on her in 2006. Good times. Hey, is that a heart on the crotch that says “Kiss me”? That’s classy as f**k! I see a cookie cutter on the left shoulder too. No, I mean their left. Your right! And when you’re right you’re right. I need to buy this.

Monster Mask With Teeth

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Monster Jaws With Teeth Mask
This monster mask is all teeth. Teeth going every which way but loose. That was a great movie. Right turn Clyde. *Swings arm out. BAM.* Oh damn. Sorry Grandma. But you know better than to sneak up on me when I’m writing a blog post. You needed a nap anyway. I apologize to whatever channel that is on the TV. You just lost your last Matlock viewer.
Read more “Monster Mask With Teeth”

Freaky Monsters In Cages

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Freaky Monsters In Cages
GrotesqueStatuettes sells these Freaky Monsters In Cages. Well, where else ya gonna put ’em? Cages and monsters go together like…monsters and cages.

It helps to keep ’em all locked up and only being gross in one place. Kinda like what a good buffet does for me. Damn mutants! Also helps so we can throw stuff at ’em and not get bitten. Keep your ugly to yourself freak-o!
Read more “Freaky Monsters In Cages”