Tag: unique

Dragon Skull Beeswax Candle

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Dragon Skull Beeswax Candle
Cool Dragon Skull Beeswax Candle dude! Mind your own beeswax!

If you light it, they will come. Huh? Who’s that? If you light it, they will come. Uhhhhh. That’s the first time the voices ever said that. *Shrugs and lights my awesome dragon candle.* Weird. It’s getting all dark and stormy outside. Sounds like wings flapping. And shrieks. *Watches as a dragon busts through the window pane. Another bursts out of the fireplace. And the front door. Then the Kool-Aid man breaks through the wall shouting, “Oh yeah!”*

Oh f**k! What have I done?

Raven Head Jewelry

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Raven Head Jewelry
This piece of Raven Head Jewelry is pretty cool. Put this on and you’ll get noticed. It’s called a Kopfschmücke and yeah, I know it sounds dirty as a dollar matinee in the red light district, but apparently that just means “headpiece”. I looked it up. You can never go wrong with a bird skull accented with flowers. Unless you’re a florist I guess.

Why isn’t florist spelled floorist? Cuz that’s how it sounds. I used to think a florist was a janitor, mopping floors all day. Stupid language. Kopfschmucke on it!

Medusa Snake Wig

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Medusa Snake Wig
Oh thank God! I thought that was my ex wife at first. Definitely not her though, because the snakes this Medusa Snake Wig are not moving and she isn’t b*tching at me to take out the trash. Jesus, I can only move so fast. I’m doing it already. Call your Vipers off.

And stop letting them bite my ears so they can pull me in for a kiss.

That’s okay, when I divorced her, I took half her snakes,which left her with just a snake mohawk.

Gargoyle Earrings

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Gargoyle Earrings
These Gargoyle Earrings will just sit there, dangling from your ears, like, “Hey, what’s up? Just gonna chill here for awhile and do my stone demon thing. Try not to drip earwax on me k? We’re both deep in thought here.”

Gargoyles are perfect for Gar-girls! Their piercing glare are why your ears are pierced in the first place. You are gonna look stylin’ my little leapshun.

Bone Chillin’ Skeleton Motorcycle Statue

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Bone Chillin' Skeleton Motorcycle Statue
Vroom vroom! I love hitting the open road with my bone-r-cycle and feeling the power of the skeleton rev between my legs. That’s why I love this Bone Chillin’ Skeleton Motorcycle Statue. I’ll ride anything with ribs. I realize how dirty that sounds. It’s literally a white knuckle ride. See that guy’s knuckles there on the front wheel? White. I think this guy was in that show called Bones of Anarchy. Love that show. Skeleton gangs rule!