Tag: yard art

This Mermaid Statue Is Not The Siren You Were Looking For

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Mermaid StatueI thought mermaids were supposed to be beautiful, but this mermaid isn’t gonna use it’s assets to lure any sailors to their doom. This rooster-headed, perhaps half vampire monstrosity could have used a support net on those tatas too, because they have seen better days. They are sagging toward Davy Jones’ locker.

For only $79 you can scare the bejesus out of everyone and sicken your mailman everyday, by putting this in your front yard.
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I Like My AC With JC: Jesus Face In Rusty Air Conditioner

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Jesus face on air conditionerFind Jesus for $100. Can you spot him? Spoiler alert: It’s a lot simpler than that Where’s Waldo game, which I have yet to master. He’s right there! Using his Son of God powers to chill your air.

What Would Jesus Do? For a start, he would clean that yard. Maybe plant some flowers. Just because you found Jesus, that doesn’t mean that your neighbors want to look at a bunch of trash. Jesus may turn the other cheek, but not me. I expect an orderly yard if I’m going to make the pilgrimage all the way out to redneck-Nazareth to worship JC on the AC.

Say, if I buy this thing, can I get that weed whacker for $5?

More pics below.
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$6,500.00 Fiberglass Python

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

fiberglass snakeSnakes! Why’d it have to be snakes? This 14 foot fiberglass python will scare the bejesus out of anything and anyone in your yard. It basically looks like one long bloody entrail. It weighs about 75-80 lbs. Not that size matters.

This should keep any form of life well away from your yard. Especially those boy scouts that collect canned food and leave that bag on your door so it ends up floating around in your yard, making you look like you are a pig. Yeah, I hate that. This should keep those little patch-earning fetuses away.
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Zombie Gnomes Feast On Pink Flamingos

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Lawn Gnome ZombiesCry havoc and let slip the gnomes of war! These little pointy-hatted bastards are ferocious. Like happy little waddling Piranha. Everything is calm and tranquil in the yard. The sun is caressing your petunias. The sprinklers lazily water the lawn and recede. A bird twitters and drinks from a fountain. The morning dew still glistens on the brows and beards of decorative gnomes in your garden. Suburbia is tranquil today… Until you set out a pink flamingo on your lawn and walk back into your humble abode.
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