Tag: yard art

Mummified Baby Bird Feeder

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mummified baby bird feeder
Damn that’s nasty! Don’t have a mummified corpse to put in your yard so that birds and squirrels can feed from it’s dead body? No problem. Etsy seller AutumnsOddities has you covered. Your yard animals will love this Mummified Baby Bird Feeder.

Basically it makes it look like you left your kid permanently unattended in your yard until little Bobby or Susie has become squirrel food. Just fill it up with bird seed and then watch nature do it’s nasty thing. Just remember, they’ll be pecking at you next while you try to sip some lemonade in the backyard.
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Realistic Buried Skull Garden Stones

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skull garden stone
If I had these Realistic Skull Garden Stones, I would just kneel over it with a brush, like I’m all Indiana Jones and just dug it up. Then my neighbor would be all like, “What ya got there?” and I’d be all like, “Shut Up Flanders! Meet the ex-wife. Guess I should have buried her deeper, but digging is hard work. And she was a big woman. Guess I better do it right this time. Anyway, get off my lawn!”

Then the SWAT team and I would have a nice laugh over lunch after they Swiss-cheese my house with bullets. I would casually mention the kilo of coke I planted “saw” in my neighbor’s car and how that’s an awfully nice house and car for someone who is unemployed. Good times. That’ll teach him to mind his own business.
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Just Another Pot Head

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pot head
This is a Pot Head. This is also your brain while looking at a Pot Head.*Cracks an egg and fries it* It is the creation of Etsy seller museumofwonder, which is impressive. Because most people have to give birth to a Pot Head and let him ferment until his teen years when he starts experimenting. That’s what my parents did anyway.

Stupid Pot Head! Every time I try to cook in you, the food drips out of your mouth and nose like you’re listening to Pink Floyd and drooling. I wouldn’t care so much, except it usually starts a fire.

Garden Critter Solar Lights

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garden critter solar lights
You know those garden gnomes you have? They need some backup in order to keep your garden safe. These new Garden Critter Solar Lights will round out your garden nicely and besides, it will look like a damn Pixar movie in front of your house all day long. At night too, because these gopher and raccoon sculptures wear glasses that light up at night.

I would say these are perfect to keep animated bad guys from your garden. I’m gonna use them to illuminate a path to my door because my night vision isn’t so good.

My doctor is all like “Do you drink at night?” and I’m all like “Every night. Hence the night vision problem. Duh! What did they teach you in med school?” Then he takes the finger out and snaps his latex glove off. He’s all like, “So your cholesterol levels look fine then. See me again in two days.”

Sweet! He’s the best Doctor on Craigslist by far.

Crazy 3 Foot Tall Monster Strung Up On A Tree

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hanging monster
He has terrorized you from under the bed for too long. He scares you to death even when you have a night light on all night. He steals your rolled up socks and puts sticky stuff inside so your mom finds it and sighs in disgust. So, when you finally catch the boogeyman, you know what to do. Tie his gnarled hands up and string him up in a tree for the whole neighborhood to see.

This 3 foot tall monster is nasty and just begging to be tortured by an angry mob as he hangs in that tree. “Drool included” of course.
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