Creep up your tree with this Christmas Nightmare Ornament Set and give your kids a scare when they open their presents on Christmas morning. Mommy, Santa is scaring me. I don’t like Christmas anymore. Whaaaaaaaaa. Make them stop mommy! Make them stop. You get Santa, Snowbeast, Krampus and and The GingerDead Man.
Author: Artemis Winterford
Zombie Rabbit Fanny Pack Is A Rabid Rucksack
Oh damn. My fanny is in trouble now! Wear this Zombie Rabbit Fanny Pack and store your stuff inside, but don’t be surprised if it bites you in some sensitive areas. This crazed little nad and butt biter does not give one f**k. You can just tell. I think it’s the crazed eyes and the exposed teeth. Call it a hunch. This is one rabid rabbit. A horrible hare. A rascally rodent. A crazy cottontail. Thugs Bunny.
Yeah, I think I’ll just put stuff in my pockets. I don’t know who framed Roger Rabbit, but I’m pretty sure this guy killed him, then hid the body somewhere in Arizona and erased all evidence. He’s been going from hip to hip ever since, staying one step ahead of the law.
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No Thank You – Large Plush Spiders
Zootoys has a few of these soft nightmares to choose from. Large Plush Spiders require large plush flyswatters or bigger boots. What has 8 eyes, is completely harmless and scares the bejesus out of me, so that I have to shred it with a knife until it’s stuffing flies everywhere? These things. I don’t care if they are real or plush, spiders is spiders and nature’s scurrying nightmare!
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Crucifixion
That’s right. This is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Crucifixion. Why does it exist? No idea. Cuz pain meds maybe. I’m not sure if this is Raphael, Michelangelo, Da Vinci, Socrates, or whatever the hell the other ones are named, but he clearly died for our sins. So be good to one another cuz God is making a list and checking it twice. He’s gonna find out who’s naughty and nice. Oh wait. My bad. that’s Santa Claus.
We’ve featured CoffinCollector’s work before. Always interesting. Always makes me dizzy and a little scared.
Heroes in a half shell! Resurrection power!
Spider Web Tie For Black Widowers
Guys, you have to find a spider-mate. I mean soulmate. There’s got to be a black widow out there that needs a widower. Weave yourself a nice web with this Spider Web Tie and you might just attract a mate. I mean, yeah, she’ll probably still bite your head off after sex some day and leave your corpse on the bed as she packs her stuff and moves onto the next victim…. Maybe just go for a Brown recluse instead. Oh wait, those are bad too. Maybe it’s okay to just be single.